Quote:
Originally Posted by hankster
okay, my brilliance, what is going on with you? why this cat and mouse game? why do you think that no one can like you? so you have to push them away before they reject you? I know your game. I invented your game. you owe me royalties if you want to play this game. I think you probably shouldn't be talking to your mother and sister, they're a pair, right?
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Because I have been in therapy a lot and after starting with my current T, I realized for the first time that I had never really attached or connected to any of them more than superficially. I did not know what was missing from my therapeutic experience, and now that I do, the invasive feeling of connectedness and attachment is disconcerting- it's like red ants crawling under my skin. I WANT the connection, but I am afraid of it.So I push her away. I think based on what you wrote that you already understand what I am feeling.
But she understands that.
And mostly she gets me and my sense of humor, and I did not mean what I said to her as a literal threat, it was just a joke...maybe a little limit testing.
She replied and said she is not mad, why do I keep thinking she is mad and will reject me? That her liking for me remains constant, and to remember that feelings are not facts, they're just stories you make up in your head and then choose to live by.