I am not sure if you are being serious, or trying to offend me about the drugs, but no, I am not using, and I have never used before. I have also never had a drink before. That is not the kind of lifestyle I live. I am healthy and conscious about what I put in my body. I sometimes wonder about them but would never use.

The topic of therapy actually came up with my parents today because my therapist was contacting them about my long break from sessions. My parents came to the conclusion that I should go back, but after this quarter ends because my grades have been suffering, and they want me to study instead of spending time going to therapy. Also, my family is against most medication, I think because they fear if I am medicated I'll actually kill myself (I talk about it often at home, but nobody takes me seriously).

I switch between wanting to be in therapy because I feel deep down that I should be, and not wanting to because of how hard it is to look at someone and tell them about the negative parts of my personality. Also, everyone around me tells me that all I have to do is think and control myself, and I do kind of think it's BS to continue to tell myself that it's out of my control. I can't think of anything someone could possibly say to me to help me change and feel better, but for some reason I keep hoping it will happen.