((Open Eyes))
Yeah that does help a little--
Some of these things I get, and some what realize, but fully realizing I don't think is part of the problem, and fully getting that good exercise going, from something else to which was lacked off to help train my brain I think I am missing too..
I.e. One thing you mention up there that really hits with me:
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If your subconscious mind contains negative messages from your childhood where your parents did not show you how to progress and meet challenges or, gave you the sense the you can achieve that and they will help and encourage you to do so, there is no foundation there to work with in the "now".
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Sometimes people "avoid" and push on anyway and get educated and progress without the "emotional" rewards that were supposed to be established in their childhoods.So they never developed a real sense of "emotional balance" while growing. This can present challenges down the road as well if some kind of trama takes place because these people never learned "emotional balance" so their recovery is a challenge as well because their subconscious mind doesn't have that either.
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My Parents were not a foundation of anything.. I could write all of it but I don't want to right now... (i feel drained and that I have whined enough here the last few weeks)...
In an amazing way though--
No Foundation, I graduated High School with Honors (not sure if that says anything though) but the only encouragement to go to college was "So I could get a good paying job to pay for my Mom to not work and a house for her"... she seriously would tell me that all the time when I got into my senior year of high school... by that time I had so much anger that I know eroded my heart for her, and since I was not allowed to "rebel at normal ages as kids do in earlier teenager years" my senior year I really wasted and that is most definitely when my addiction to drugs showed up...
I remembered asking a counselor at my school about college, he told me that I would ahve to have my parents support...
My parents gave none that was real-- My mother just told me that I had to continue shcool so she could continue to get her child support check until I was 25 (lovely huh?) there is soo much more to this than this...., and by no means THEY were NOT going to pay for it- they had made that much clear-- but I was suppose to go none the less.
I did go to a trade school, it was funny I was like 18 or 19, and the lady said one of my parents HAD to sign for the loan for me-- I did not want any thing of my mother attached to me -- but I lucked out there due to the loan people rejected my mom's signature
- I still got my loan with just me-- i guess they made an exception? I have paid that off
that has been one thing that I found as an achievement
of course I am not in Veterinarian Assistant but that is ok-- I had trouble with the environment and the putting down of animals and some other things (aborting kittens was another thing that was part of that job when I did my internship
)
I think a lot of this foundation stuff is what has effected me-- and a part of me realizes it but-- yet-- a bigger part is just lost on where to start to build that foundation for myself... (a lot of subconscious stuff I am sure of too)
I have actually read your post here Open Eyes a few times today... been pondering on it...
Maybe if writing out some things on a good day of "I can do something better, something meaningful, something that makes me happier" over and over-- perhaps that is something to help subconscious mind
The only things (just a few) that I can recall with "Making a move and it turning out for the better" (or at least what I can recall right now-- maybe there are more?)
Was when I left my brother--- Yeah technically I was homeless but yet was not (My name was still on the lease of our old place but I left)- but a old bud took me in- I still had my job- eventually got a place with my S/O (at the time just room mates)
Taking that leap with getting involved with my S/O which I am trying hard to keep saying-- this will be good
-- I know some days I get too worried... I remember a few years before my S/O i used to think I was unable to be loved... One day I started to say to myself in the mirror-- "you are a good person, some probably do find you a little cute." .. actually I think that helped a little...
So I have a few things i suppose that are good with - making a dramatic change in my eyes and have turned for the better ....
I may have to get back to this on the other things mentioned
Having an odd day-- trouble concentrating today but thank you Open Eyes...