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Originally Posted by athena2011
Well, I suppose I will answer here because otherwise I probably won't give it the attention it deserves.
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this is interesting that you wouldn't want to think about it or give it attention.
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Those who don't see all of me I either don't trust, feel they are judgemental, or I think they're just a 'little too together' and therefore I consider them a flight risk. There's usually some quality I admire in them though that makes me want to keep them around.
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I find this interesting .. "you want to keep them around". You're calling the shots? There's some quality you admire. It almost comes across like you can take them or leave them, but you keep them around because there is some redeemable quality about them. Do you think you could be real close friends with these kinds of people and be happy yourself? Is it possible they'd be better classified as an acquaintance? In which case their not going to see ALL of you? If any of that is true..
Then this
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Around friends who I suspect cannot tolerate my moods - once again- the actress, showing only the best side.
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the word friends would = acquaintance. An acquaintance is not going to see our full range of emotions/moods, and showing only your best side would be more normal than not imo.
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People who do see all of me I generally trust more, they are more patient individuals, less judgemental and more laid back. I wouldn't say I value them less but I do feel that they have some flaws, something that makes them more human. That isn't to put them down as I still consider that they have far fewer flaws than I do.
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It seems you see these people as your real friends. What is interesting is here with these people you see their flaws which make them more real. The people you mention above you only want them around because of some quality you admire. There is nothing about these peoples flaws, and they do some have some. (sorry, I'm not being too articulate with my thoughts. I hope you see what I'm trying to get at here).
Good!
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Clearly you are bored out of your skull (another symptom of BPD if you ask me)...even to the point of trying to entertain yourself in a 'not always so entertaining' forum.
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Yes, I am bored, and I do believe that to be a symptom as well. I could go on a lot here, but I'm too tired at the moment. I'm disappointed.
you say spunk, someone else says asshole... lol
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And the fact that you do have at least one character trait that is consistent enough to be considered part of an actual 'identity'. Hmmm...perhaps you are not as far gone as you think.
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IF I could take this trait that you describe and transfer it into "real" life then life would be interesting, but I'd probably be in more trouble. It's a way of forcing me to become like everyone else, and I have no desire to be like everyone else.. There's enough everyone's and the vast majority of them bore the **** out of me. What a dilemma..