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Originally Posted by mcl6136
I agree...! You are amazing and wonderful!
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Originally Posted by My kids are cool
Sally, can you keep looking for a T you might like who DOES take your insurance? I feel so badly for you! I can only imagine how you are feeling, but I know my anxiety and sadness at just the thought of this happening between me and my T gives me some clue to the despair that you are experiencing. I am so sorry.
Just because your T is making mistakes and not doing what it takes to repair them does not mean you are not worth the effort involved. I know you know that, but I also know that feeling of worthlessness. You are amazing and wonderful, and your T must have something going on inside him that is preventing him from engaging with you in the way that you need.
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You guys!!
Thanks so much, MKAC, I really need to hear that sometimes and now is definitely it. At the moment, the biggest things is feeling overwhelmed by how much this sucks and feeling like I can't deal with.
One thing I said to him was, "I have a hard time believing that all of a sudden, after so long, we just became incompatible." He said, "Well, that's my understanding so far... and I had taken it to be yours, too?" Which is just so... I don't know how he can consider that a satisfactory answer. I told him that no, I felt like something had changed, like when I broke my collarbone as a teenager and went to a specialist who walked in talking about my broken wrist. Wrong Xrays, buddy. I felt like T had been walking in with the wrong Xrays every day for weeks.
Then again, I know not everyone is on a rabid quest for the truth, but still. I truly don't get where he's coming from, because if this is hurting him so much, why is he just accepting it as fact? I know he's been talking to others about the situation, but seems to come up with nothing. It's kind of like... nothing is less believable than something outrageous, if that makes any sense. It's like one of those little indicators people pick up to detect suspicious behavior... like when the parents of missing kids just sort of say, "we can't think of anything that was different that day," you start to feel weird about it because most parents of missing kids would be going over that day with a fine tooth comb to think of anything at all. That's a weird example, sorry, I've been reading a crime blog recently
I really need to find a way to accept that just because I firmly believe there is something going on, that it takes two to tango and if he doesn't figure it out, there is nothing I can do.
About the insurance, yeah, I just sort of took a few names from my pdoc but didn't realize how annoying it would be to see someone on a sliding scale. It's kind of a shame in principle anyway because my current employer offers fantastic insurance and I do think I ought to try to take advantage of it.
There is one more name I have to try, who does take my insurance. Her office is VERY close to old T's (I live in a very liberal city that has therapists EVERYWHERE, freaking everywhere... once I was browsing for therapists nearby on my insurance website, and my old T turned up, but like 100 entries in... he was a 10 minute walk from my place). But I'll call her up when I have a little privacy.
Thank you again for your kind words
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Originally Posted by stopdog
I am sorry to hear about your old therapist. That sounds quite rough. I do think it is possible to let the therapists handle their fees their own way - they do not offer to take less in fees unless they are willing to do so. If you think you could work with the one who offered a sliding scale, and you cannot afford her regular rate, then why not? I understand not doing it if you can pay her regular rate but just prefer not to, but if you cannot afford it, then take her up. Let the therapist handle their own finances is my opinion.
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You're right. You're absolutely right. I have to try to remember not to make decisions for other people about what they can and can't do. If she says I can pay $50 less, then I can. Gotta remember not to freak out about this until I have actually spoken with her about what works.
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Originally Posted by wintergirl
It sounds to me like your T is having a lot of trouble dealing with the end of your relationship, too, so this whole thing has to be rough on both of you.
Do you have it in you to try another T interview marathon? I know how exhausting this process is, though - why can't all Ts just magically be a 'good fit' for us?!?
I want to tell you to just see the T you like with the sliding scale, but if you're anything like me, that fee could be an obstacle in the burgeoning relationship.
Your advice has been incredibly helpful to me in the past, so please keep sharing here!
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Thank you wintergirl! I'm glad to be helpful. Right now PC is kind of keeping me sane, not sure why but that's what it does.
As for the "good fit" -- I know, right?? Sorry to hear about your recent bad fit. The description made me shudder. Just goes to show that many types of people need many types of therapist, I just wish there was some way to know who my "type" is.
I am actually glad in saner moments that I do like the one with the sliding scale. Even if it's expensive, depending on how I can calculate it with my insurance company, I can probably afford it if I don't find anyone else. It's good to know there is an option. It is tough, though... right now I'm trying to get the house and the kids and all of that going on, and those things cost a lot, especially where I live.
It's hard to know that this is rough on old T. It reminds me of a relationship I had in college that was really turbulent and on-again/off-again, because the guy was Jewish, and knew he wouldn't want to marry a non-Jew, but also knew that if we stayed together, he'd probably want to marry me (a non-Jew). So neither of us WANTED to break up. But we knew it was inevitable. So we kept getting back together, then breaking up... oh it was terrible.
Thanks for your post
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I'm feeling a little better because I just made some tentative plans with some "work friends". I've been at my job a few months and am trying to make the transition from "work friends" with a few that I think I would like to actually hang with, to "friends". Just the little things that make you feel connected to the rest of the world.