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I understand what you mean James. Just making sense of it all can be the hardest part of the whole situation. I hope you can make sense of what happened but it does sound like you got things you defiantly need to work on and it's good you recognize that just gotta figure out what's wrong I suppose.
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“When everything seem to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it ....”
― Henry Ford
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