I'm not dangerous!....I'm disturbed

I've lost count of the breakdowns I've had and never started counting them anyway just there are alot.



when this happens ...the cops always have to come and I always get charged for something.

"attended to a suicidal male"....that was the last visit. It's a shame I had a dirty sharp knife this time...even that it was just for me.



most people are not prepared for someone like me in a full blown episode. If I was looking on?...I don't know?



4 months now I have resigned myself to a prison outcome
and yesterday I had to go before the judge

arrived at court an hour early so I wandered amongst the crowds of the city....

turned out during this wander I'm just paranoid and afraid...I am so damn self destructive and not violent at all...I'm just scared of people and this world....everything is a threat to me

and I have a really crap attitude about it all...that does'nt help!

I live in another dimension...



...but I'm still guilty in this one!

....(notice how small I make this picture)....(conveniently adjusted according to how guilty I really don't feel)....(and thats ok)

"do you want to go to jail?"....says the judge.....

"I don't really want to be anywhere" ....says me

but I'm not dangerous....! 50 days I have to arrange a defense...but against what?

even I've had my doubts ....because I don't remember what I do when I'm disturbed.

i don't know....

this is rare opening up for me.

dm

I don't know how it is where you live, but where I live "justice" comes down to money. I could see someone in your situation being put on probation and having to do so many hours of community service but more importantly to pay the fine.

I knew someone charged with a felony. They were never able to do their community service. But, once that fine was paid the felony was removed and the charge lowered to a misdemeanor. Because it's all about cash...

Sory you are having legal troubles. You are defending against yourself. Are you in treatment since then? Perhaps if you get an attourney you can have them show that you are now in treatment and doing better? Then maybe the judge will be easier on you.

Good luck.

...got a bit of a history dark.

and according to that...I'm sorta getting worse..

have to do something different....

but it's ok...in a dumb kinda way that only I understand...

thankyou,..

Sorry your having a rough to with the court system I know from first bad it come down to money, I have had battery charge removed and I did it with money well it wasn't to much money but it still was money and so I dig that. But maybe you can get off on probation or something which would be way better than jail.

thanks Clinte.

see what happens I guess.

thing is?

I'm not tryin' to 'get off'

what I want to do is make sense of it all...when it's been going on for a while buddy ...

things change a bit....I'm at the point where ya say to ya'self

"I've really got some serious issues here!...and this world around me aint gonna change just for me!...(and I've been swimmin' the wrong direction for so long)

it's confusing with bipolar mood swings Clinte...as I'm sure you know

as I think you guys say in the States...it's a "game changer"

I understand what you mean James. Just making sense of it all can be the hardest part of the whole situation. I hope you can make sense of what happened but it does sound like you got things you defiantly need to work on and it's good you recognize that just gotta figure out what's wrong I suppose.

can't argue with that mate.

almost too simple you put it Clinte...thanks.