@ madisgram ... thanx for reassurance, i didn't expect replies tbh coz of how many times i have so badly screwed up, so ty. it's good to know my fears are normal and everyone will understand that from being there themselves. i don't believe i personally do deserve a better life but the little girl my mom n gran loved, who is still inside me somewhere, sure does.

@ Lee ... i don't come to pc very often so i don't think i knew about your son. i'm very sorry both he and you had to go thru that, but glad that your god saw fit to save him. i hope he can overcome his obstacles and live a happy life ... and i know that must be a painful thing to both live thru and share but i'm grateful you did, i don't want that ending for me.

i will got to the meeting and let you all know how it goes.

hugs for all

p.s. @ Lee ... ur right about drinking buddies, i alreasdy lost my main one for telling her i wont go there no more