finally called AA

finally called AA and have made arrangements to be picked up and taken to first meeting coz due to being recovering agoraphobic, cant make it to new meeting in next neighborhood alone.

but now i am scared and making every excuse under the sun. examining my feelings truly ... i am scared to lose the only crutch and comfort blanket i have, am scared to give up maintainance drinking!

genuine thoughts, harsh or otherwise, would be welcome plz. as well as advice as to re: am i truly ready to give up if having fears and doubts?

hugs n love

carrie ann , your fears are quite normal when we go to that first meeting. just remember every person in that room once had to enter for the first time. we totally understand. we have a saying, "the newcomer is the most important person in the room." and it is true. you will find friendship, understanding, and great support. if you don't wish to talk-"share" we call it-you can just listen until you're ready to talk. so hope you will make the decision and go. even tho your disease is calling you know that it wants to continue to control you. you deserve a better life than that.

Carrie Ann, DON'T call and cancel! Please! If you decide to keep drinking, you're going to die.

Let me tell you about my son -- every one here is probably tired of hearing about it, but....about 3 months ago, I got a call at 3:30 in the morning from a hospital about 40 miles from my hosue -- they told me my son was dying -- he's an alcoholic and he just plain dranik too much and his liver stopped working!! He was on life support, and they didn't think he would live. My daughter and I jumped in the car, and sped over there -- he looked like he'd die at any minute. He was yellow from jaundice. There were tubes coming out of every orifice of his body. He was on the breathing machine, cause he couldn't breath on his own. He was in critical care for 1 1/2 months!!!

Today I have him HOME!!! God saved him for some reason -- I don't care why -- I'm just grateful! His liver isn't 100% - he still has to have a CT-scan to see how well it's working. If he drinks again, he dies.

Do YOU want this in your future??? Do YOU want to die??

Carrie, alcoholism is a killing disease. It doesn't matter how old you are. I've seen hopeless alcoholics at 17 yrs of age. I've seen them DIE as teenagers.

Life is wonderful without alcohol. I've been sober for 19 years, and I can't believe how great it's been. I thought I wouldn't have anything to do after I got sober -- but I've been more busy sober than I was drunk!!! I've had MORE FUN SOBER than I ever did drunk!! And I can REMEMBER IT.

Go to the meeting Carrie Ann. Listen to the stories -- you will think they're telling YOUR story. But really listen to them. You won't be sorry that you went. And you'll make new friends who REALLY care. Your drinking friends don't care. When you get sober, those friends will dump you -- they aren't really friends -- they're just "drinking buddies." They won't have anything to do with a sober person. Not a very good friend, Huh???

I wish you the very best -- tell us about the meeting after you get back, ok? We'd love to hear. Hugs, Lee

@ madisgram ... thanx for reassurance, i didn't expect replies tbh coz of how many times i have so badly screwed up, so ty. it's good to know my fears are normal and everyone will understand that from being there themselves. i don't believe i personally do deserve a better life but the little girl my mom n gran loved, who is still inside me somewhere, sure does.

@ Lee ... i don't come to pc very often so i don't think i knew about your son. i'm very sorry both he and you had to go thru that, but glad that your god saw fit to save him. i hope he can overcome his obstacles and live a happy life ... and i know that must be a painful thing to both live thru and share but i'm grateful you did, i don't want that ending for me.

i will got to the meeting and let you all know how it goes.

hugs for all

p.s. @ Lee ... ur right about drinking buddies, i alreasdy lost my main one for telling her i wont go there no more