Mmd I can relate to you very much. I had to flee after pressing charges againt my ex after he tried to kill me ( he also cheated) .. That part is different, but we only had a suitecase of clothes for all four of us, my kids were 2,3, and 4 at the time. We had to move from shelter to shelter to get to a different province.

I had to leave behind my sister, my job, everything we owned literally. I understand your pain. It's not right...it isn't. your words are very familiar to me. The anger, dissapoimtment, shock, hurt... And how can it not feel like all those things when it's the one person you depend on. Let you down soo much.

He is the one missing out big time. I don't know of it helps any, but I felt like I would never meet anyone, trust again, have someone to depend on for me and my kids. But I did, I took a long time but it happened.

I don't know what your marriage was like. Mine was extremely turbulent, my ex was so chotic, secret drug adictions, affairs, violent, .... Even tho it was scary being on my own, we finally for once had peace in the house. Finally I knew that with only me handeling the finances that my kids needs would be met. And I was poor ya, no income, but what little money I had wasn't going to booze or drugs, my kids could have winter boots. Somehow I found some strength and happiness in that. If there is one person I could depend on, it was me.

I know right now you feel like you are failing, but you are not. You are trying to provide for your kids, be there for them, hold it all together, started a new job. Ya none of that is easy at all, but yet you are still doing it, you didn't walk away. You have to give yourself credit for that. Don't minimize what you do. It's big. It takes strength, and you have it, you already do.

It's good to vent and get it out, it takes a lot of healing. Try to be gentle with yourself tho, you've been through enough already.