Wish I knew I was not the only one...

I wish my family was not so evil, I wish my kids dads would care for them in a healthy manner. I really just want to go to sleep and never wake up, I am tired of everything being so hard. Why is everything all on me? I literally have ONE friend who has a mess of her own. Absolutely NO SUPPORT from anyone else. I fu***ng hate my life, I hate my husband for making me leave my true friends in Montana and I hate knowing that my kids have nobody besides me.

Aww MMD, you are not the only one. That is for sure.. I have one friend outside of my one sister and BF. But I only see her maybe a few times a year now. My relationship with my mother is extremely rocky due mostly to her own problems. I have no other family outside of that. My children's father.. my ex husband.. I do not even know where he lives. He has not seen or spoken to the children in almost 8 years, nor child support. I received one call from him about 2 and a half years ago stating he was in rehab, that was all. And I have been with my bf for 6 years, tho we do not live together or anything.

So you are not alone on that. I understand... It is really hard. That is exactly why I came to PC. And no it's not quite the same as real life support, but sometimes it can be better in someways. I can say things here that I might not be able to say if I were face to face. And the people here might not be in our physical space, but they are real live people on the other end.

I am sorry you are feeling so upset, vent away. I will listen

For assorted reasons (bipolar, bunches of constant different pain, etc etc), I can't remember the last entire week when I didn't decide at some point (& briefly) that the effort life requires isn't worth it any longer.

BUT, my cats, the only ones ALWAYS there for me & truly supportive IRL, would end up in shelters--the 18 yr put down as too old & the the other as too skittish. So yes ... I hear you. And I'm so grateful your children are blessed with an unselfish mother. Yes, you're going thru h ell. I'm sorry. . But we're going to keep going anyway, aren't we?
Roadie

I have to because of my kids but I honestly don't want to anymore... I am single, no boyfriend, no help, can't figure out a damn job that is more than when someone is out having a baby, can't do a damn thing but fail fail fail

I really hate that your so alone. I'm in a state w/ no family but do have some friends. I'm not sure if it's possible for you to move back where you had friends (support). If not I encourage you to consider joining a support group (www.nami.org). Also your local dept of mental health should have a list of other support groups. Are you familiar with WRAP (wellness Recovery Action Plan)? If not you can find info on it and complete the parts you want.

I assure you you're not alone.

For the last day I have been trying to figure why the hell can't my retired, active, super healthy grandmother can't take me to a dr's appt next week because it's "too early" for her to get up and get out ("If you have an appt later in the week that's later in the day I'll be glad to take you.)....wtf??? I'm pissed and hurt beyond words that my recovering alcoholic father has stopped contacting me because he doesn't believe any of my stuff is real--even though he has a lot of himself. I've become emotionally numbed that my family doesn't try harder to understand what I go through daily, yet gets upset when I don't come to one family gathering. Frustrated I can barely drive a mile without being overwhelmed by all the traffic, so I have to rely on someone for every single appt and anything I need.

I'll stop my vent, didn't mean to hijack your thread. I just wanted you to know I am on this side of the screen feeling quite futile and weary myself.

mmd - wow, so many of us are really alone. i feel very alone right now. and many of us are bp moms doing it alone at that, it's a miracle we're still here. i'm still here because of my kids. we must be fighters, we must be strong, we must just do what we have to do for our babies. please vent away, i appreciate the distraction from my own hell.

I've been awake for an hour, I have not gotten out of my bed nor do I want too!!! I have cried since the second I woke up. I cannot believe that the kids and I are suffering through so much hell when my husband was the one that cheated!!! He gets the carefree life, the new girlfriend, no kids to support etc. All while we get to move to another state, only with our clothes, experience grief of not having a family unit anymore, my stable job of working for Fema gone. Obviously this crap has affected me more than I thought because for it to be 2 years later and becoming so drained from this constant struggle and to have this overwhelming urge to just call him and his ***** up to let them know how much they truelly screwed the kids and I over is crap. I don't have a choice in anything, I am the ONLY person my kids have, I have NOBODY. I hate him for this. Even though our marriage was not good it was atleast stability for our children and how dare he take that away and not even realize it!!!! He seriously blames me for his son not wanting to come see him!!!! I'm so damn lonely, I wish that I had the ability to just have someone come hold me... I can't even reach out for a new relationship because I can't allow the possibility that my children could like them and get hurt again...

Hello manic most days,

You seem to be discouraged about your family.
Does your kids go to school?
If yes, maybe there should be some help there.

Mmd I can relate to you very much. I had to flee after pressing charges againt my ex after he tried to kill me ( he also cheated) .. That part is different, but we only had a suitecase of clothes for all four of us, my kids were 2,3, and 4 at the time. We had to move from shelter to shelter to get to a different province.

I had to leave behind my sister, my job, everything we owned literally. I understand your pain. It's not right...it isn't. your words are very familiar to me. The anger, dissapoimtment, shock, hurt... And how can it not feel like all those things when it's the one person you depend on. Let you down soo much.

He is the one missing out big time. I don't know of it helps any, but I felt like I would never meet anyone, trust again, have someone to depend on for me and my kids. But I did, I took a long time but it happened.

I don't know what your marriage was like. Mine was extremely turbulent, my ex was so chotic, secret drug adictions, affairs, violent, .... Even tho it was scary being on my own, we finally for once had peace in the house. Finally I knew that with only me handeling the finances that my kids needs would be met. And I was poor ya, no income, but what little money I had wasn't going to booze or drugs, my kids could have winter boots. Somehow I found some strength and happiness in that. If there is one person I could depend on, it was me.

I know right now you feel like you are failing, but you are not. You are trying to provide for your kids, be there for them, hold it all together, started a new job. Ya none of that is easy at all, but yet you are still doing it, you didn't walk away. You have to give yourself credit for that. Don't minimize what you do. It's big. It takes strength, and you have it, you already do.

It's good to vent and get it out, it takes a lot of healing. Try to be gentle with yourself tho, you've been through enough already.

It's not "my family" as in my children and I.... What I meant by that statement is my mom and my aunt that live here in the same town as me but don't even talk to me let alone act healthy towards my children. At first they were supportive but when my mom smacked my son for breaking her tape measure ( how rude of a child with no father to be interested in such a device huh?) I flipped out on her, I do not smack or spank my children and neither should she!!! Then my aunt quit talking to me when my son stole my car and my family thinks I am the one that sent him to juvy even tho he is the one that asked to go. I just didn't feel it was her business to know any different, if my son wanted to tell her that is his place not mine. So she thinks that I am a ***** for getting him involved with the system.