I really thought my weekend was going to be good. Yesterday, I had a great night at my boyfriend's house. I just got news that I was offered the job I interviewed for on Tuesday, so we celebrated with a bit of beer and my favorite meal: crabcakes. It was a pretty good night.

Anyway, I stayed up pretty late because there was a good movie on. I had a lot I was going to do today. I was going to go to this event at a place where I volunteer, and I had been really looking forward to it. I was supposed to go to lunch with my boyfriend and his friends at some Indian restaurant. Then, I was supposed to go to this event at my school that was supposed to be really fun.

Instead, I had a horrible dream about my cat, Sunny, who we had to put to sleep last week. I had a dream that I had to put her asleep, and I had the needle and had to inject her with it and it wouldn't work. She wouldn't die, and she was afraid of me because I was trying to kill her. I woke up feeling very depressed and didn't want to face the day, so I didn't.

I skipped the event at the place I volunteered. I didn't go to lunch with my boyfriend and his friends. He got back to my apartment after he went to lunch and waited for me to wake up but I wouldn't get up. It really pisses him off when I sleep the day away. He started yelling at me as I laid there in a depressed stupor in bed. He was saying that we never did anything that he wanted to do, and that I was selfish and all I ever do is sleep and he's tired of it. Before I knew it, he had his things packed and was out the door and all he said was "Bye."

This was seriously the last thing I needed. He just does not even begin to understand depression or mental illness at all, and when I talk about it all he can say is "I wish you weren't depressed." It's never "It will be okay" or "You will get through this." He says that he wishes I wasn't depressed, and I think it's because he doesn't feel like dealing with it. I'm so tired of bringing other people down, and trying to solve everyone else's problems when no one gives a **** about mine. I'm already in a hole, and it seems like everyone around me just keeps throwing dirt on top of me. It's difficult enough to handle my depression with support, but without it it's impossible and I feel like I am just losing everyone : ( I don't have any friends and only a few people actually care, and it's all falling apart.