Quote:
Originally Posted by landskaperdan
I would be calling into work. I would be on my fourth or fifth beer already. I would be calling up friends who I used to drink with. Life would feel new, possibilities endless. I would be helping out those drinking buddies with projects that we prolly never should have started. Life would be fun.
I am craving that right now! I am craving that feeling of new, of possibilities. of FUN. I don't ever have any fun anymore. it's always work and responsibilities and managing my moods and taking my meds and getting enough sleep. everytime I try to have fun someone asks if I am hypo or not.
I want everything that I can not have right now. I'm ready to rebel.. the one thing I exel at anymore! But I don't want the consequences. I don't want to think that I will screw up the meds that are working for me. I don't want the fighting with my wife over it. she is black and white... no grey. I want grey!
Ugh.
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I know what you mean Dan...that urge to leap off the giant edge with eyes closed just so they really OPEN up as hoped....this urge is massive powerful and very frustrating to hold back too.
you deserve heaps and heaps of credit for resisting!
I don't know what it's like to have your responsibilities and a wife.... the wife part must be awesome.....beneath all the stereotype crap marriage gets...it truly must be awesome especially if she means enough not to want to damage the relationship.
I don't answer to anyone and barely anything and always jump off the edge and despite the freefall being a quick BUZZ....hitting the rocks below head first kind sux real bad and then climbing up again ...yurk!!
you deserve lotsa credit
