Mindinpieces~ Good heavens, what kind of a childhood did you have? It must have been horrible! Reading your posts, you're an INTELLIGENT, KIND, CARING PERSON! What on earth makes you feel the way you do? You certainly are not an embarrassment, as far as I can see. You would be GREAT to talk to - I can see where one might feel fear in talking face-to-face, as I tend to be quite shy. But embarrassed? NO!!!

And shame??? Heavens no. Why would you carry shame? Anything that happened to you is NOT your fault!!! I had a rotten childhood too, but I know it wasn't MY fault either. Yes, I felt shame as a child, but I dumped that long ago (in therapy LOL) . We may have had shameful things HAPPEN to us, but that does NOT carry WITH us. Those things belong to someone else!

Bad decisions? We've ALL made them. We wouldn't be human if we didn't. It's part of "growing up." And we NEVER stop growing up as long as we're alive! So we'll probably always make some bad decisions, unless we have some genius hanging around us, making our decisions FOR us. LOL We can't feel shame because of that! So what if we make some bad decisions. Everyone does! Let it go!

You are ENTIRELY too hard on yourself. You're not allowing yourself to be human. You're expecting too much of yourself. You're not placing the blame where it belongs -- and it does NOT belong with YOU. You were hurt as a child -- that's not your fault. Children can't understand why people hurt tham, and they can't control it. They don't know that they have options.

Be kinder to yourself. Treat yourself as you would a dear friend who was hurting. Pamper yourself. YOU are your best friend! Learn to love yourself. If you can't love yourself, you cannot love anyone else. Did you know that's true? You are a kind, loving, caring, intelligent person -- I could tell that just by reading your post. Please take care of yourself my friend. God bless. Hugs, Lee