
Dec 01, 2012, 08:27 AM
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Member Since: Jan 2012
Posts: 356
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Leed
Mindinpieces~ Good heavens, what kind of a childhood did you have? It must have been horrible! Reading your posts, you're an INTELLIGENT, KIND, CARING PERSON! What on earth makes you feel the way you do? You certainly are not an embarrassment, as far as I can see. You would be GREAT to talk to - I can see where one might feel fear in talking face-to-face, as I tend to be quite shy. But embarrassed? NO!!!
And shame??? Heavens no. Why would you carry shame? Anything that happened to you is NOT your fault!!! I had a rotten childhood too, but I know it wasn't MY fault either. Yes, I felt shame as a child, but I dumped that long ago (in therapy LOL) . We may have had shameful things HAPPEN to us, but that does NOT carry WITH us. Those things belong to someone else!
Bad decisions? We've ALL made them. We wouldn't be human if we didn't. It's part of "growing up." And we NEVER stop growing up as long as we're alive! So we'll probably always make some bad decisions, unless we have some genius hanging around us, making our decisions FOR us. LOL We can't feel shame because of that! So what if we make some bad decisions. Everyone does! Let it go!
You are ENTIRELY too hard on yourself. You're not allowing yourself to be human. You're expecting too much of yourself. You're not placing the blame where it belongs -- and it does NOT belong with YOU. You were hurt as a child -- that's not your fault. Children can't understand why people hurt tham, and they can't control it. They don't know that they have options.
Be kinder to yourself. Treat yourself as you would a dear friend who was hurting. Pamper yourself. YOU are your best friend! Learn to love yourself. If you can't love yourself, you cannot love anyone else. Did you know that's true? You are a kind, loving, caring, intelligent person -- I could tell that just by reading your post. Please take care of yourself my friend. God bless. Hugs, Lee 
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Leed I am so sorry you have been pouring your heart and wisdom out to me and all I have been doing is more of the same and not listening. I am sorry that I haven't nor at this time been able to really listen and take on your words as I should, as I once would have if in a different place. I am afraid for now not much is reaching my sense and hopefully the me that once was that may still be within me shadowed by what is consuming me for now. Maybe within time in the future we can talk and hopefully you will get the better me, the one that is a more true picture of myself, not the me that is lashing out so to speak to notions of the anxiety etc running within myself.
Each time I made the decision actively even if from negativity, anxiety, pure fear or misunderstanding of my reality and interactions within my life but I make that decisions and it all seems to stems back to the only thing that is faulty within all my life is myself. All that has been or tampered with, all at my hands all at my infectious self influencing that produce such outcomes and such as person as I am now at this present time.
I can't ever trust myself and I have lost all sense of being human and able just be able live as a human is expected or at least to a better degree than I have ever been like as a person up to now, I can't even make a decision now expect to hide away and avoid life at all costs and hope it all disappears as I am not sure if I can face life once more and not come out a completely broken mess beyond repair.
I read one of your post in spiritual forum and yes I am one of those people to tell the truth envious of you and your acceptance and peace you have found within yourself. Although I would never have wished you to go through the turmoil that you did to get to where you are now but none a less you have gained what I so long for and all I want from life, just to be able to live (work in however small job it is) but with ease, patients and without reacting to my anxiety and worries or delusions that I have held for so long and that has cost me a lot and caused all the troubles I have today.
wishing you all the best and
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