Thank you both so much. I can't call my T, only email. But I just dont have the courage to. IDK what to say. and.. i havent self harmed yet im still fighting the urges, but.. I just... feel so worthless and weak. I hate myself. I hate that i can't see past my own selfishness and needs. I hate that Im constantly accusing the one person who is ACTUALLY on my side, and ACTUALLY the one constant person in my life who is always there for me... and i can never trust her enough to believe that she isnt going to just walk out. oh wait. she is. shes going on mat leave at the end of this month for about 6-8 months.