I don't know why but I am never satisfied.

I obsessed over the fact that I might have OCD and googled it endlessly. I found a therapist who diagnosed me with it, Adhd-I and depression. Now, I am not satisfied. I don't "feel" like I have OCD anymore, if that makes sense. I have learned more about it but I just don't know. I think I do, but I also think I don't. I search it, read the symptoms, but it isn't me. What I do is mainly ruminating. I guess you can say I have "pure O". I spend most of my time online searching but I never find the answers I'm looking for.

Do I have OCD? According to my therapist, yes. But I don't know. My fears aren't contamination, order, religious, sexual. My fears are purely mental. Am I crazy? I don't know. Am I alive? What does being alive mean? Do I exist? Why do I have a body? Those thoughts. It never ends.

Do I have OCD? I don't know. What does having OCD mean? I don't know. I've searched it a thousand times but I still don't know anything.

Help?