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#1
Dec 14, 2012, 01:08 PM
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I don't know why but I am never satisfied.
I obsessed over the fact that I might have OCD and googled it endlessly. I found a therapist who diagnosed me with it, Adhd-I and depression. Now, I am not satisfied. I don't "feel" like I have OCD anymore, if that makes sense. I have learned more about it but I just don't know. I think I do, but I also think I don't. I search it, read the symptoms, but it isn't me. What I do is mainly ruminating. I guess you can say I have "pure O". I spend most of my time online searching but I never find the answers I'm looking for. Do I have OCD? According to my therapist, yes. But I don't know. My fears aren't contamination, order, religious, sexual. My fears are purely mental. Am I crazy? I don't know. Am I alive? What does being alive mean? Do I exist? Why do I have a body? Those thoughts. It never ends. Do I have OCD? I don't know. What does having OCD mean? I don't know. I've searched it a thousand times but I still don't know anything. Help?
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Dx: schizoaffective disorder bipolar type, ptsd Rx: abilify, lamictal |
 rainbow8
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 rainbow8
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#2
Dec 14, 2012, 08:01 PM
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Quote:
maybe you could elaborate a little more on it being purely mental. what is it that you are afraid is going to happen? (I don't mean this sarcastically, I really am curious...) My OCD has a lot to do with contamination, but its contamination of thoughts... if that makes sense... so I guess you could say that mine in mental as well. Its inside my head....
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.  
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#3
Dec 14, 2012, 09:16 PM
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I'm afraid of losing my mind completely. I don't even know why I'm so afraid of it. It used to be that I was afraid of being possessed by a demon but now my fears have changed, but not a lot. I'm still afraid of "losing control". Being possessed by a demon and going crazy are kind of the same in that way. I don't even like going out in public sometimes because I feel like people know there is something wrong with me. I don't really know how I would go about confronting this fear as it is an idea rather than something concrete. So in my head I am just lost.
__________________
Dx: schizoaffective disorder bipolar type, ptsd Rx: abilify, lamictal |
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