Tonight I found myself crying my eyes out over J, the guy I liked, even though it's been a month and a half since he made it clear we weren't going to get together, and several months since we stopped being close. It was an unrequited love situation, although he did have feelings for me too and over the summer we spent a lot of time together almost like a couple. But he didn't feel right entering a relationship with me and told me he just wanted to be friends. He's dating someone else now.

It hurts so much losing him because I was so happy when we were together and I truly trusted him. It's really hard for me to trust people and to trust that I mean something to someone, but he was so kind and so present in my life, and I really trusted him. That's why it's so hard to see that I'm not important to him anymore. I keep thinking back to how happy I felt when we were a thing. I've lived a very lonely life so it made me feel happier than I have in years to have a nice guy like that in my life.

I have codependency/love addict issues, so I did get obsessed with him, but there was something real there too.

The situation is even trickier because we are also coworkers. We work together one on one three days a week. I see him and talk to him more than anyone else in my life. I've tried to stay friends with him and I do enjoy talking to him. Like I said I'm very isolated so I rely on his companionship. But it's hard seeing what we are now compared to what we used to be.

I have childhood abandonment issues (emotionally unavailable parents) so I know those issues are coming up. It destroys me when I'm not able to earn someone's love, because it's like I'm replaying my childhood trauma of not being able to earn my parent's love.

I really did like this guy and I really believed it was going to work out for me this time....