I only see a therapist for medchecks, and even then, I absolutely hate going. It's not that my therapist isn't good... I just hate opening up. I feel so terrible afterward, like I'm giving away all of my secrets, or that I'm weak for not being able to shut up about it or fix it myself.

Even when I do need to bring something up for the sake of accurate diagnoses of the severity of situations and such, I'm so used to wearing masks, I think, that I never portray how severe things actually are. Luckily, my boyfriend is very supportive, and is nice enough to go with me if I ask him to. It wasn't until he started to that I started to get more of the help I need, because he's able to describe the levels of certain things far better as a second party. We live together, so he more than knows.

As far as meds go, I also get frustrated going for that, because it's complicated in that I have some kind of mood disorder, borderline bipolar (but not), in that I will suddenly switch to being extremely angry-feeling for no reason. I'm not bipolar, as depression meds don't throw me into a mania of any sort, but with this in mind, I've also not been able to find a really effective depression med, ever, as I have the mood issue to take into account too (with anxiety linked to my depression). I take some meds that level me out, make me functional, make me feel better but as far as well-controlled depression, it's not in the least. Still, so far it's the best I have.