Well, you are young, and trying to figure yourself out yet. You probably talk alot because you just get nervous, that is typical for your age. You are probably very tired out because you were a chatterbox at the party and you are probably worn out from the nervousness of that. It sounds like you are just not sure whether you actually deserve to "have a good time" and just "be happy". That is common with your history, I dealt with that myself.

What can happen is if someone is struggling and then they go out like that and put out a lot of energy, they just get drained and may not feel ready to put that kind of energy out right away again.

I hope you bring this up in therapy and try to be honest about how you are feeling. A therapist cannot truely help you work through things unless you are honest. I can see where you say you feel depressed whether you are honest or not, but you will learn to understand why that happens and a good T will help you learn how to work that inner challenge out.

As far as the friend is concerned, I don't think you have developed the skills yet to quite know how to handle that challenge.

You need to understand that part of how you feel is "normal" but you probably are harder on yourself because of your past. Opening up about your past and about how you were at the party and how you struggle now will help the therapist have more information about you so she can connect the dots and help you do the same.

I know that is a challenge, I have struggled with that myself, but this is not something that a therapist can't help you work through, or something that others who have a similar history don't struggle with. How you feel about opening up is also normal. And the fact that you feel you are no good at helping others is also normal as a result of your history. If you do take a chance and open up and actually "learn" you will take what you learn and it will help you better in dealing with others.

Most people your age struggle with "self esteem" and "people skills" and I am sure that others at the party were "nervous" and chatty too, or some may have just been quiet with no real skills to just "enjoy" the party.

So, give yourself some room to learn and grow and open up with the therapist too.

Open Eyes