bad weekend

The other day, I took a friend to a mutual friend's party. I had a very good time, but I am worried that my friend didn't. Whenever I go to parties, I feel like I draw attention to myself because I can't stop talking and saying kind of crazy things. Then I feel terrible because of that. So this friend left the party, and almost didn't tell me bye, and my feelings were really hurt. (It was always the plan that she'd get another ride home.) She is one of the sweetest people, and I was feeling kind of sad that maybe she didn't have fun, and I should have tried to make sure that she did because I brought her. I stayed at the party and had a nice time.

Then the next day, I just couldn't bring myself to get out of bed, or to take a shower and get ready. I had a holiday party last night that I almost didn't go to because I was in such a terrible mood. Every little thing became a problem for me. I didn't respond to any social media or text messages I got, I cried when I ordered pizza and there was too much cheese on it. I cried and threw things two other times, but can't remember why. I was very uncomfortable and unhappy when I got to this party, and felt like I had to pretend to be in a good mood - it was really different from the night before. The party was very cute, quite unique, and would normally be what I consider fun, but I had to try sooo hard to enjoy myself. I don't think my bad mood was directly related to feeling bad about my friend... although maybe partially? I stayed at that first party a few hours after she left, and I had a pretty good time. Today, I feel slightly better than yesterday, but still haven't left my bed, despite the fact that I've really had to go to the bathroom for about an hour. I don't want to get up. But I feel more lazy than really sad like yesterday.

Nothing I normally do sounds entertaining. I don't want to be productive either. Everything annoys me. My parents aren't sensitive to how I feel when I really try to tell them, which I don't always do. I have nothing to look forward to in the holidays.

your friend is big enough to look after and mingle herself.

your responsibility ended once you both entered the party, you did not sign up to entertain her all evening did you?

you need to talk to your friend, it could be she did not have time for a big goodbye, especially if the person giving her a ride home was wanting to leave quickly. She probably didn't want to keep them waiting or was scared they would leave without her.
she may be a bit jelous of the attention you were getting, in that case an honest explination about you not liking how you behave is may be necessary. but whatever if she is a good friend she and you will only be able to work things out if you talk to eachother.

sounds like you could be depressed, have you talked to your doctor about your crying and how you feel? he may be able to prescribe some meds to help you feel better.

having things to look forward to involves planning, these things do not have to be big parties or even involve going out, a bar of chocolate in the kitchen cupboard could be something to look forward to, or a show on tv.

All i have to look forward to these holidays is... to visit my late partners grave on Christmas day, and a DVD I bought myself last week which i will save till i begin to get lonely (probably about Saturday) but most of all i look forward to the holidays being over so my routine can get back to normal and i will see people again.

if you do tend to draw attention to yourself at parties, your friend will probably know this already before chosing to ride with you to the party. it was her choice, she could have declined the invitation or ride if she wished to.

If you took her to a party where she didn't know anyone, it WAS your responsibility to see that she had a good time. If she had no friends there, you needed to introduce her to people, and pretty much hang with her that evening, because making her fend for herself with strangers is cruel.

People have done that to me, and I had a horrible time. When you leave someone with strangers, they don't see to it that your guest has a good time. They stay with their "clique" of friends, and then YOUR friend is left to sit against the wall the rest of the night. Or your friend is left to walk around and TRY to mingle with people who don't WANT to be mingled with.

So you should have stayed with her. I don't blame her for leaving. She probably had a rotten time. That is, if she had the kind of time I've had in those situations. That is, also if she didn't know anyone.

Just my opinion. Hugs, Lee

Leed.... I said in my first sentence that it was a mutual friend's party. All of the people go to our school. She's actually better friends with the person that threw the party than I am. I think you're a nice person, but I wish that you would read more carefully before talking to me like a piece of crap, because I already feel like one..... Thanks for telling me that I'm the reason she had a rotten time. I was really worried about it, I honestly was. She was going to leave early the whole time. I was just afraid she didn't have a good time, and I took it personally when she didn't say goodbye. I've been in the position that you're talking about too. Depending on the group I'm with, I've been in that situation even with people I do know. I'm not a heartless person, I try really hard to be nice. It just makes me really sad. It's okay. I think I'm dwelling too long on it. I wasn't even really thinking about that anymore.

Foreget the Partys. They parobably annoy you. I think you would feel better being alone or doing some other activity.

I normally don't go. I jumped at the first one because it was the first real one I'd been invited to in over six months. The second one I was going to bail, but my parents forced me to go. I spend all of my time alone and I feel terrible no matter what. No activities satisfy me lately. All I do is lay in bed and eat, and I always feel guilty for eating because despite being fairly thin, I'm petrified of gaining weight. I already make myself ugly by cutting myself, so I can't get fat on top of that. So I lay in bed and eat, and then I feel terrible emotionally and physically. With my T we normally talk about being more social and trying to leave the house more to do things with friends, which only makes me feel better about a third of the time. Or more likely, if I have fun, I feel terrible later on.

I feel so low with no explanation, but I also know that I don't always feel bad. It's just when I do, it's hard for me to remember what okay feels like, I guess? I had a good afternoon, I bought some things. But sometime between then and coming home, I started to feel terrible, and really SI'd for the first time in a while. After that I felt better for a while, but I've gone back to feeling miserable. I used to think that maybe I was depressed, but now I have a T, and she's never brought it up.

Stay away from Partying. Continue with Therapy. You seem to have Much guilt associated with being in an Social Situation. Best to stand down on them for now, no one can force your to go!

Well, you are young, and trying to figure yourself out yet. You probably talk alot because you just get nervous, that is typical for your age. You are probably very tired out because you were a chatterbox at the party and you are probably worn out from the nervousness of that. It sounds like you are just not sure whether you actually deserve to "have a good time" and just "be happy". That is common with your history, I dealt with that myself.

What can happen is if someone is struggling and then they go out like that and put out a lot of energy, they just get drained and may not feel ready to put that kind of energy out right away again.

I hope you bring this up in therapy and try to be honest about how you are feeling. A therapist cannot truely help you work through things unless you are honest. I can see where you say you feel depressed whether you are honest or not, but you will learn to understand why that happens and a good T will help you learn how to work that inner challenge out.

As far as the friend is concerned, I don't think you have developed the skills yet to quite know how to handle that challenge.

You need to understand that part of how you feel is "normal" but you probably are harder on yourself because of your past. Opening up about your past and about how you were at the party and how you struggle now will help the therapist have more information about you so she can connect the dots and help you do the same.

I know that is a challenge, I have struggled with that myself, but this is not something that a therapist can't help you work through, or something that others who have a similar history don't struggle with. How you feel about opening up is also normal. And the fact that you feel you are no good at helping others is also normal as a result of your history. If you do take a chance and open up and actually "learn" you will take what you learn and it will help you better in dealing with others.

Most people your age struggle with "self esteem" and "people skills" and I am sure that others at the party were "nervous" and chatty too, or some may have just been quiet with no real skills to just "enjoy" the party.

So, give yourself some room to learn and grow and open up with the therapist too.

Open Eyes

So sorry I misread it. I didn't mean to.

The description of your feelings of inertness reminds me of how I usually feel when a depression is gnawing inside my system. My T never brought up depression himself, only on the bills.
Don't condemn yourself for feeling that way. There is a reason for it. And probably a good reason too. You do the best that you can at the moment.
It sounds as if your inner sadness is very strong at the moment, stronger than your need for partying. Maybe you can connect to this sadness and listen for what it has to tell you or find out what it is missing right now.