Quote:
Originally Posted by Trippin2.0
I decided not to... Love and I were never good bedfellows. Told him we can be friends, nothing less and no innuendos of anything more... He's not in a space to commit, I'm not in a space for anything less, so I kinda ended it before it began. The ending was just too clear for me to ignore, and I refuse to drive myself nuts. So yeah, that. Sorry for getting you guys all happy for me for nothing. To think I hoped a whole year, and then end it before it began... Senseless
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...this just sounds all too familiar to me
it's not senseless...but likely sense-more!
when love falls apart ...?
some people ...well?
they just get miserable and solemn for a while.
others....well?
they just fall apart too
body bits and pieces heart broken scattered emotions burnt like injured charcoal featurless human damaged beyond belief!
I pray sometimes...cos I believe in God an enormous beautiful thing in the universe!...
once..there was this girl I adored all particular special like she was the only sweet peach on the tree...and oh boy how deeply moved was I forever smitten..
...unfortunately she be not so sweet so much sometime mostly a cold person and on another planet to me but oh awful unlucky it was far too late I was beyond rescue bein' a damn virgin at the time and all that.
any feelings she had just dissolved in the chilled atmosphere surrounding her before they reached me and I inflated my heart impossibly huge to sustain the both of us and blisteringly hot did things get inside me I cooked in my own emotions and committed suicide...over and over to kill the hopelessness...such is love when it don't work out!....damn!
...so I prayed this one day night whatever in some acid dream ..."God give me this girl please please do this for me"
and.
whadda' ya know?....11 years later God did give her to me...like the miraculous perfect emotional storm she was out of her depth it seemed WHY?...does she now want me?
after experiencing the real emptiness perhaps?....of boring bullsh..t love in the superficial land of the wandering stupid!!
...but what happened to me in those 11 years was just too much and all caused by serious neglect and stuffed if I wanted to chance that again and so I put on my best a.s.s.hole face and scared her right out of my life!
cos I was scared
and I will never get rid of the feelings...it's not very fair all that much Lia