Quote:
Originally Posted by farmergirl
Or she has bipolar disorder that has, as part of the diagnosis, a tendency toward racing, ruminating, thinking . . . . This kind of thought pattern IS one of the criteria of the diagnosis. Even with medication, that tendency is going to be there for most of us. That's not an "allergy". That's bipolar. It is what it is. That is why therapy modalities that will work on dealing with that kind of racing, cyclical thinking that triggers and drives our moods, can be so very helpful with this diagnosis.
I don't think dark heart has a "negative view" about her thinking process. She just sounds like someone who clearly understands that it is often her disordered thinking that drives her emotional state. I happen to agree with that. Again, for the most part (and there are times that are exceptions for me), it is my thinking that triggers me and leads me heading down that path of depression, etc. It doesn't generally work the other way around. My emotions don't usually come out of nowhere. They are not driving my thinking. It is my thinking that sets off my emotions. That is what dark heart seems to believe also.
In a way, I don't think you are really disagreeing with that because you speak of the need to understand where those emotions come from, but your statement "The problem with this illness is that emotions get in the way of thinking" is what I take exception with (and I think that is dark hearts opinion also). We are saying it is our thinking process that very often sets off our emotions. Meds or diet or seeing an "allergist" are not really going to change our thinking patterns for the most part. That is something we have to work on ourselves, often with the help of the therapist who has a good understanding of how bipolarness affects a person's thinking.
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This is exactly what I was trying to say!
Here's the thing.
I'll be totally fine. Totally fine. Not irritable. Not a bad mood. Nothing. Possibly even smiling, laughing, and having fun.
Then, I hear someone laughing in another room. They must be laughing at me. They're telling jokes about me. I just know they are. Why can't they just leave me alone? They're not really any better than me! I swear those people need to learn a lesson! I am not going to take it any more.... etc.... and
then I am having the emotions: rage, humiliation, sadness, etc. (This is a paranoid thinking pattern for me, a very very common one.) This is what I need help with stopping, changing, and turning around. It wasn't an "emotion" that started it for me. It was an irrational thought reaction to a trigger. Do you see what I'm saying?
And the reason I said it will take a long time is because:
A) I have no health insurance.
B) Visits to a T in my area start at $80 per visit, which is a lot of money for me.
C) Visits to a pdoc are closer to the $200 range.
D) I'm moving to a new county in about a month, so I don't want to set up in this county for assistance when I'll have to do it again (which means taking time off of work, filling out forms, collecting qualifying paperwork, etc.)
E) Cognitive behavioral therapy does not work over night.
F) Meds are not a magic Harry Potter wand.
G) Full recovery from paranoid thinking may not be possible, but lessening it or having a "remission" is. Just like curing bipolar isn't possible.
Also, this isn't caused by meds. I wasn't on meds last year when all this started. This has been building up.
Also, I am learning my triggers (like above) which is key.
Also, I do have
major issues with food. So I don't wish to discuss that right now it's a huge trigger for me.