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Jan 12, 2013, 08:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Speed3
Thank you for lighting the candle or candles I will look
It is hard to know if this energy, ect is normal grief reactions or activation of
Hypomania. I can't believe my PDOC kept closing his eyes like he was sleeping when I was pouring my heart out about some guilt I feel over Jason's death. Feelings my husband and family won't let me talk about because they feel it is destructive.
You are right now after the funeral everyone goes their separate ways, and I feel so alone with these mixed up feelings.
My husband has a lot of friends and his work. I don't have either.
I got in my car this morning around 5:00 am, in my pajamas, I have an angel statue I want to put on Jason's grave. My husband woke up and came and pulled the keys out of the car. He thinks I am headed for a trip to the hospital.
Maybe I just have a different timetable?
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Dear one,
Separation is difficult with you just now. Yes, this is a time to reflect on Jason and how his life and love touched you, his dad and friends. This loss has caused a deep hallow in your heart and with this emotions will flare as the memory of him is still new and always will be fresh in your heart, which is where your thoughts are now; but common sense is weakened by your emotional crisis. I feel for you and deeply understand your need to make a move and correct his death. I understand how you want to do something. Yet, you will be tempted to take action in order to fix what has happened, or make it fit just right in your mind; this is to you a type of justice for Jason's death, so to speak; however this is not a good time for you to make these type of choices.
I recommend that you follow your husband's lead at this time, and do as he instructs. And lean on his arm for support and strength to get pass the next few months of grief. When you feel the need to show devotion to Jason, do so by starting a personal journal and write out your detailed feelings and plans for a future plan of action; another helpful idea is to start a memory box of Jason's most important and favorite things; and there are many other options to distract you from sorrow and help you to feel nearer to his spirit and useful to his memory, and express your everlasting love and care as a mother, which you are still a mother no matter what.
It is not, I repeat, not important that you should take upon you any major causes to stop or correct any matter connected to Jason or his loss just now. I hope that you can understand. I don't want you to hurt any more than now. And I am not saying that in the future, as you are feeling stronger and better with your emotions, that this is not a good idea for you to take a personal stand against addictions or drug abuse. I can see where this act would do much good for those still living with addiction. I'm only reminding you that this is not normal and natural behavior for you at the time, nor should you feel responsible to become highly motivated to take on actions in order to fix or relieve your disappointment with his death right at the moment. However, if you don't take special time to relax, or try to relax, you will cause your health to go down even further and your emotional moods will not stay stable or balanced; this can cause a problem with reaching you for the good of helping you through the process of healthy grieving. Grieving is a process that takes great mental and emotional discipline and one who is skilled to help you cope with death. When doctors are not doing anything that you perceive is helping you to cope, or if their methods of treatment are not helping you or getting through to you, find a different approach to the matter; if you need to, call on clergy or a skilled spiritualist who is familiar with the process of grief to help you. And, perhaps, contacting your doctor for an evaluation of your medicines will help you to cope as well. My best to you and your family.
Tabby 
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