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Originally Posted by LonelyBird
I am sorry that I hurt someone I love so much to drive them... us... to this moment.
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First I'm sorry but i have to say this. I don't care what your issues are and what problems you have or Mental Illnesses,
you dont' drive anyone that's
committed to a relationship to have any kind of an affair. Please don't ever take the blame for something that she had the choice to do. An emotional affair or physical it doesn't matter. She had the choice to stay in the marriage or break it off to be with someone else, it was never a choice to mess around
and stay married. She was wrong and clearly has her own issues too. Don't take the blame that you caused all of her issues either. I have heard that time and again - and I'm not picking at women, men do this too. "I wasn't loved enough... you did this... you did that" So what? work on the marriage or leave! Cheating is never an option. I'm sorry I just get sick of hearing the one that is faithful taking the blame for the one that cheated. Don't do that.
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My wife has been asking me to seek treatment for depression for a long time, and finally I am getting help. I just started seeing a therapist and will be starting meds soon as well. But as we were crying on the kitchen floor together Friday night she told me "I love you... but I'm not in love with you..." I told her I still loved her deeply and wanted to do whatever I could to save our marriage.
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Again, I know you have issues but remember marriage is two people. You need to get your help with your depression but that's not all. You nee to get help together too. I highly doubt that everything that has broken down the marriage is your fault. Both sides always contribute. That's the truth. Both sides need to work to fix it. If she's unwilling to face that she may have done things wrong too, then I am sorry but it's very unlikely that your getting help will fix it all either. I hate to say that but it's true.
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But, and it is a fair point, she has wanted me to change for so long and I haven't. I think because I never admitted I was depressed. I thought it was stress or frustration or whatever. She is scared I won't change. I need to prove it and be patient. I need to work and try and work some more, and I know this now.
If my wife is willing to work on counseling, is still talking to me (about work, football, firends but not our marriage), is hopeful that the marriage can be saved (she said if I can and do change my attitude and temper there is better than 50:50)... can I, by acting and changing on my part, rekindle her love and save this marriage... has anyone experienced this and been successful.
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yes I think so. if she is willing to get counseling with you then it is very possible if you do your part. I still feel that it's one sided and she's blaming you for the brunt of it, but... counseling can help get you both to a point where you see where
both of you went wrong. It can work.
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I am so stressed and sad and exhausted... but I want to fight. She and my kids are too dang important. This is the battle of my life and I need to know if there is hope.
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I'm glad you want to fight. Never give up until you're sure there is no way that it will work. The obvious case is if she wasn't going to work with you on it. So you still have hope! Get to counseling for you and your marriage both and you can make it work!
Just please don't be a doormat just because you have depression.
~s4