Back story: 12-2004 was in accident, school bus t-boned my door at about 60mph, i had a severe traumatic brain injury including three inter-cranial bleeds, a broken C-2 (neck at base of skull) i was in a coma 3 days, ICU 2 weeks, took 9 days for me to even know the "crazy lady" hospital beside the whole time was my mother i have more problems than i have the patience to list but my main one is debilitating headaches 10-20 days a month. here is my rant with doctors, of all types brought on by my neurologist appointment today...

I am beyond frustrated with this freaking circle of trial and error with drugs it's been 7yrs 1mo and 4 days of hell, the only med that has ever gotten rid of my headaches is hydromorphone, not morphine not fentanyl patches, not fentanyl citrates, not lyrica, neurontin, topamax, treximet, depacote, amitriptyline, nortriptyline, prozac or any of the other 100 meds I've guinea pigged, i'm exhausted mentally, physically and emotionally, i cant handle this any longer. I've previously been on hydromorphone, ive proved i do not abuse it nor do i distribute it i can not understand WTF the problem is, I can not work or go to school or do anything remotely productive down to keeping my home clean when i have a debilitating headache over 15 days a month, I feel i'm doomed to be either an in-patient or end up some FN "drug addict" on the street cause that's the only place i can get anything that helps me feel functional.

It's absurd yea they save my life when it wasn't thought to be possible but then what? just dumped me out the doors with no follow up care, no insurance, no disability, no health care of any sort, no medications, no nothing, it'd be different if any of this was my fault, if i was some dumb kid who went around saying YOLO and doing stupid things ok, but i was college bound top 5% in america with a scholarship and this is a result of someone else driving not mine i was a passenger. So to these people who say God bless America I ask why... I feel like St. Joesph Hospitals Frankenstein, they stitch me up and throw me away, some days I wish they would of just let me go, heaven, hell or in the dirt at least it wouldn't be this. I wish for one day these freakin doctors who deal with severe Traumatic Brain Injured patients spent one day in our life maybe then they could see why we're so irritable, have so much anger and anxiety, its not from the head injury its from the lack of receiving any adequate care for the injury and pain. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

So here I go, back on the drug trials, bring on the psychotic episodes, suicidal thoughts/ attempts, the neurotic, manic, and depressive moods, the zombie state, the uncontrollable emotions, the weight gain, all the craziness that goes with poisoning my body on a daily basis by the absurd amount of drugs cause everyone here knows you're never on one med they always add more, my memory is so bad i cant even remember to take birth control daily, lets just throw several pills at me to try and remember good thinking there doc! I know what works and its none of these damn psych meds I've been on most of them and they make me crazy or cause more problems than the problem it fixes. Yes hydromorphone is a narcotic but why do we have narcotics if they're not meant for use, so to all these pill junkies just looking to get high and who ruin it for people like myself who actually need these meds for legit reasons like getting rid of pain so maybe possibly i could have a job or go to school or do anything in my life i throw a middle finger to you with the utmost anger (and to people who have friends who are junkies i feel your pain and no disrespect i know people like that as well, this is my rant tho so I'm putting it all out there) Junkies have made doctors so terrified of giving out pain meds to people who again ACTUALLY NEED IT TO FUNCTION and not sit in a dark quiet room their whole life in horrific pain, so IMO you are selfish humans, as you go get high with the meds I need to live a reasonable life, i can not even get a prescription for those same pills your smoking and injecting I HAVE THE MEDICAL PROBLEMS you just want to get high.... so back to the doctors.... I am sick n FN tired of being treated like a pill seeker because i am a young female how dare you as a doctor look down upon me, let me hit you with a bus where you are expected to be in a permanent vegetative state your whole life and when you pull thru by some miracle get denied any care or meds to help you live as close to normal as possible, let you see how this feels on a daily basis, if you had half the problems i have youd understand
and we'll finish with a huge FML- Kristara
(sorry not looking to be consoled just beyond frustrated with life right now)