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Originally Posted by violinm9
Hi everyone - My story is probably unique. Ten years ago, I had an indiscretion - infidelity - . Although my husband says he forgives me and we've gone through marriage counseling, he keeps mentioning the guy and wants to visit and sleep with him. He keeps telling me to come on to the guy so that when I go to see him, he'll have an idea of what's in store. The guy is a good person and could be a friend of mine, but it's hard for me to reconcile visiting him and sleeping with him with my moral code, even if my husband sanctions it. My husband takes every opportunity to make sexual jokes about the guy and what will go on between the two of us. I'm going to movies with him on Thursday because I have no choice. My husband pouts and makes life difficult for me if I refuse. I feel like an emotional prisoner. My mother abused me as a child- until the teen years - and I think I have unwittingly continued the pattern. Any thoughts? I have three children - and really don't want to break up the family. HELP
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My mother started sexually abusing my brother when he was thirteen and it lasted until he moved out at eighteen. My brother went on to become a pedaphile. Being molested by ones' mom is very disturbing. Being molested by anyone is horrible enough, but abuse from ones' mother is especially unnatural and is not only horrible but physically unnatural.
Boundaries become distorted with prolonged abuse. You have become used to boundaries being crossed. You are still a victim. Get away from him. A person like this is not going to change. You are of no value to him. You know this is wrong. Do you want your children to experience this kind of life? Which is worse? Divorce or continuing this life. What your husband is doing is perverse? What would you say to someone who was going through this? I normally wouldn't recommend divorce as the only option, but there is no changing this type of person. The only person you can change is you. Do you want to live your life like this? This won't stop. Your husband will not stop with this. Please get your children away from him. I would leave NOW!