I have lots to say but difficulty keeping it togehter. It's one of those day's where you crumble and can't stop falling apart. I

A lot of the things you have said are so right.

"One of the big reasons people who struggle with PTSD islolate is because they begin to realize they have "lost the ability for "self control" somehow" around other people."

I totally hate this part of PTSD. So many things you can hide but this one thing you can't and you never know when it will show up. All it might take is someone saying "How are ya" in a tone that says it's ok not to say "Great how are you".

"And when you do share your challenges and emotions, you can see "in writing" how others "validate" your emotions. OMG you say, I finally get to be "human" after all."

It is odd to be and feel like a human. Emotions were not something that was allowed when I was a kid. If it was not positive and happy then you had better stuff it and no one needs to know about it. When I was a teenager people you to say "wow you are always so happy". I thought to my self wow if you only knew. This emotion thing is very new to me. Especially the crying. It is like it has come from no where. The T I have now makes it seem like it is an ok thing, like it is no big deal it's what people do. I just don't feel that way yet. I kind of just think OH GOD not again. It scares me, I'm afraid to give in to that feeling. If I can't stop and control myslef when I let go a little what in the world would happen if I didn't hold back. I don't even know if I am capable of that .

"healing' includes finally allowing our emotions to come out, understanding what they are connected to, and talking about them and finally getting "validation" and another human being to finally say, "I believe you, that was scarey, sad, horrible, lonely, and you should have had help with that".

For some unknown reason any time someone says something nice I cry. What is that all about. You did good, I believe you, that is so sad, someone should have helped you w/ that, that was not fair to you, I cry. Those are positive statements and conferming statements. Why would that make me cry.

"a big reason why your husband gets upset by you spending so much time at PC etc, is because the "only" human being he has to "interact with" somehow, is now "unaccessable to him".

The T says the same thing. More or less he is not able to relate to people. So he gets angry because I have something he can't have no matter how hard he tries. I write his borther who is incarcerated, I talk to people on the computer. He can't relate and struggles w/ that. That is only part of the problem w/ using PC. He is insecure, he is jealous, he wants control and I want give into that, I'm connecting and forming relationships and he can't do that w/ others or me.

The T did say it only makes sence that me being the way I am and having the past that I do there is no wander I would rahter have a friendship on line, it is so much less risky then in person. That for me to even reach out on line is a huge step for me. It is the only true connection I have or have had and that alone is positive.

Thank you so much for your opinions and guidence. I just need help trying to figure life out sometimes.