I feel so depressed about school. It began and I am not doing as much this go round and will pass but not with real high grades. As a matter of fact I may just get c's. Anyway my Pdoc put me on a mania medicine and it is the first time in almost 2 years for me to take one. I was manic at the end of summer, getting pulled over by cops, and just taking incessently. I also was rueinig my social life with the mania. So I kinda decided to take something for it. My relationships are slowly slowly improving. I am so frightened because, I start the day or end the day still getting manic because that is just how I am. There is no chemical that will change me really. I am not worried about never being manic because I love myself the way I am. I am just really chilled knowing that I am not normal like the majority of people, actually weirder than the average person. I see improvement but I am chilled at the difference in one day, each day. It is too darned strange and I know I am strange and it disgusts me. I wish I wasn't disgusted with myself. I am though. I am depressed, I also hear the phycobabble others, comment off handedly, and it really hurts me, because the making fun of me, I am so so tired of. I am so tired of mania and I am more tired of or most tired of the insults, I hear every single day. I am depressed. I am so depressed. I am feeling inadequate and can't make it better.