so depressed

I feel so depressed about school. It began and I am not doing as much this go round and will pass but not with real high grades. As a matter of fact I may just get c's. Anyway my Pdoc put me on a mania medicine and it is the first time in almost 2 years for me to take one. I was manic at the end of summer, getting pulled over by cops, and just taking incessently. I also was rueinig my social life with the mania. So I kinda decided to take something for it. My relationships are slowly slowly improving. I am so frightened because, I start the day or end the day still getting manic because that is just how I am. There is no chemical that will change me really. I am not worried about never being manic because I love myself the way I am. I am just really chilled knowing that I am not normal like the majority of people, actually weirder than the average person. I see improvement but I am chilled at the difference in one day, each day. It is too darned strange and I know I am strange and it disgusts me. I wish I wasn't disgusted with myself. I am though. I am depressed, I also hear the phycobabble others, comment off handedly, and it really hurts me, because the making fun of me, I am so so tired of. I am so tired of mania and I am more tired of or most tired of the insults, I hear every single day. I am depressed. I am so depressed. I am feeling inadequate and can't make it better.

yeh, being different can open us up to abuse by jerks..... that's why i love coming here, we're all "different".

you are a fascinating blend, all your own, custom fit. that's not disgusting at all to me. might break my heart, but not gross me out, ya know.

put some positive self talk reminders on your mirrors, and pound them in with repetition..... )))))))))razeljenny (((((((( (

Hillbunny is right, Raz....We are all different. I experience a degree of the mania myself, but try to deal with it, not too well, I might add.
I am who I am! as Popeye would say!
Healing thoughts,
Patty

((((raz))))

((((((((((( raz ))))))))))))