Ugh. It IS messy, Nightlight. It's hard to work through it when the T reacts poorly to your feedback. *sigh*

I like the idea of trying not to place blame. I mean, most people get defensive when they feel blamed for something.

I try to make an effort to put it out there in a way that says "I want to explore this"....and point out what was said, what I heard, what I felt.....

In group T the other day, a person got angry with me about something I said. Another group member responded to her saying that he was frustrated by her anger towards me. When he learned that I actually felt touched by her caring enough to feel anger, he was confused. Everyone reacts differently - so in all honesty, it's hard to really blame someone for our reaction (even though the person really could be doing something really, really cruddy).