Couch number 33!!!!!

Healed, do you have T tomorrow?

awsome song girl going to get it on my i tunes

hi all i'm back for a minute after 2 glasses of awsome pear wine from my trip to the finger lakes i have 1 1/2 pages of crap to sent to T . go me

whats going on healed ?

Good luck vibes being sent as we speak! What an AWESOME T!!!


I wonder if our T's know just how much they can affect our moods?

Sometimes I think the ability to not feeling angry is the best thing around.

Sorry you're feeling so bad.

Surely indeed! When's your next appointment?

Yum! I wonder if it's too early for pear wine here...

(it probably is)

It's on Tuesday, which is still Monday for most here. The last session was so, so hard...but she really heard me. We haven't had two of those sessions in a row since this all started in October. I'm going to try really hard to be positive and to hear her too. I'm just really worried that gaining back this little bit of hope will be a huge mistake once again.

Healed- there's a lot of that going on here tonight- what's going on? Why are you depressed?

Nightlight- Have you told T that you're afraid of what's happening and that you really need her to hear you with her heart not her head? I always tell my T that when I feel like she's going "pro" on me.

karebear - "going 'pro' on me"...LOL. I totally have to use that with my T when the need arises. Love that!

Ah! So there is someone else that understands what I mean by that!!! LOL!

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Way nicer than some things I've said to my T...meaning exactly the same thing

My "pro" starts with a B

I tell mine to not get all cold and clinical on me. LOL.

haha. Love that too Karebear. I'm going to try being really open without placing all the blame on her. It's hard because I've admitted that I see why she reacted like that to me, where I wen't wrong myself...but that I was still always doing my best. I think it's just become a tangled mess. I know she is trying too. She seems so frustrated because she is trying. She thinks she's shown caring towards me for years and that I always reject it, but it's not that at all. I just can't hold onto it forever and when mistakes happen...I do doubt that she cares. I mean, what was I supposed to think when she confirmed that I was just a number. She's since said she doesn't think that at all...but ouch. Some things stick.

She really heard last week that I just need her to listen to me and give me a chance to talk about things before she gets so defensive. She said she'd thought about it during the week and she seemed to understand and agree with me. This has happened a number of times now, then I return with hope...and she's so harsh again that it sets everything off and she reacts to my strong panic....it all so messy.

I meant to exercise for the first time in weeks tonight, but instead, I played with my husband while the kids were both at school functions , and then fixed dinner for tonight and tomorrow night, and then drank a lot of vodka. I feel alternately fantastic and weepy. Not sure this is a good look for me. hahahahaha.

She is not liking feeling so critisised by me, but there are so many things I haven't touched on that so haven't felt okay. I don't know what to do now. Whether I just ignore them, or try to keep gently talking about them. Not last week when she heard me, but the awful week before, she actually insisted that I record my appointment. I'd done it once before at her request, and hated it. She ignored everything I thought about it and told me if I wasn't going to record my sessions she was going to record them all for me. There are just hundreds of things like this and there is so little time and only so many I've gone over. I do want her to know how unfair that felt...that she would actually treat me like that.

Ugh. It IS messy, Nightlight. It's hard to work through it when the T reacts poorly to your feedback. *sigh*

I like the idea of trying not to place blame. I mean, most people get defensive when they feel blamed for something.

I try to make an effort to put it out there in a way that says "I want to explore this"....and point out what was said, what I heard, what I felt.....

In group T the other day, a person got angry with me about something I said. Another group member responded to her saying that he was frustrated by her anger towards me. When he learned that I actually felt touched by her caring enough to feel anger, he was confused. Everyone reacts differently - so in all honesty, it's hard to really blame someone for our reaction (even though the person really could be doing something really, really cruddy).

Aww MKAC that actually sounds rather nice. I hope it stays more towards the happy side of weepy now though. Is there such a place? Hmmm. For me it has a funny habit of turning into complete desperation as soon as things have quietened down and I'm alone.

are you relaxed

I think my poor hubby would fall over in shock if we had a play date!

vodka is sugar free

Hmmm MKAC I would possibly classify that as exercise lol

That's not a bad point murray.

Sounds more like she has a ton of energy - I mean she made dinner for 2 nights in a row for cryin' out loud!!!!!!

My hubby would fall over in shock if I made dinner 2 nights in a row!!!

OMG so would mine lol