My wife has some of those types of fantasies. Bondage and rape, not so much pain and blood. For her it is a complete trust in your partner to the point you completely submit and are dominted. It ia very risky sexual behaivor and you should take precautions so you don't get hurt. It may be wise to talk to a psycologist before you engage in this kind of activity. It could be very damaging to your mental health. Expecially if you meet the wrong person who is very sadistic. You may end up with serious physical and mental harm from the wrong kind of experience.

I wasn't alway super into it and she would push me for more but I was always affraid of hurting her. Truth be told I was always wanting to be the submissive one, but as a husband it is hard to ask for that.

I would be very careful pursing this fantasy. You're 19 now, and you may not want this lifestyle forever. If you get a lot of scars or bad experiences it may be very difficult to goback to a "normal" life. That's just my thoughts.