bizarre obsessions (death, danger, and unworthyness)

I am 19, and i have a few curiosity's that have peaked my interest. these are dangerous sexual acts with a willing consensual partner. i like to be hit, beaten as if i was deserving of it. I lit to be choked to the point where the capalaries in my face burst and i have red freckles everywhere and bruises on my neck. I have rape fantasies, and often like to be cut or in forced submission. I like my hair pulled, i like to be hit, punched, choked, smothered with a pillow, smacked, and cut. at my age it can get dangerously bizarre as i grow more curious. at times i wish my partner would actually kill me. not all of it gets me off but more out of curiosity. i like to be smothered and choked as if i was unworthy. any advice?

Check out fetlife.com, there are thousands of people like you who enjoy BDSM, rape and torture fantasies. Believe it or not, you sound rather normal under BDSM standards regardless of age.

I agree with Doc, by and large, but do take care, especially with cutting...you're running a risk of infection in doing so. Safety first, and all.

Watch out for that choking stuff, too. Folks have died with their air supply cut off. Wow, to each his own, I guess, but none of that appeals to me. I would call them "bizarre obsessions," too. I would hope, being an-old-lady-mother" type that this behavior will burn out over time. You are risking death, sure enough. Plus, that's NOT normal sex in most people's books. Thousands of people like it?How many billions of people wouldn't?

Well, you and I are lucky in that a little hugging and kissing and a few thrusts are appealing enough. She cannot change the way she is. I am glad fetlife makes it easier.

Wow! I've never heard people couldn't change these behaviors....Not to be a pain, but I think that needs to be confirmed. Where would I find resources on that? Of course, that's what the people in that group Dr. Skipper mentioned would believe.

I did hear that people who are into these things might have been sexually abused as children.

I do not like Thai or Vietnamese food. Lots of Thai and Vietnamese restaurants near me and I cannot make use of them. Why? No reason. But I can't change my taste. These restaurants are very popular, so I am in the minority not going to them.

I imagine she cannot change her taste either. And she is in the minority, too.

I imagine she just needs to learn to be careful and not take great risks while pursuing her interests. But I doubt she can or should even try to change the underlying interests. After all, before American psych authorities stopped treating homosexuality as a treatable aberration (I believe in the early 1970s), people wanted homosexuals to change their behaviors or tried to "cure them", but we do not do it anymore, by and large. I imagine that it is the same thing - OP is just the way she is.

"Imagining" is not hard-core, researched data, hamster-bamster. I can understand your desire to help and support this young person. But I don't want her to give up--especially given her info that it tends to get rougher with time--unless the research says nothing can be done to help her. I am very concerned for her future.

Yes, I was just making parallels with homosexuality.

Still, it seems that helping her means discovering ways for her to be herself while being safe, rather than change who she is.

Regarding research - there is not enough research to date. Try searching PubMed but I doubt that a lot will pop up in search. It is a very marginalized practice. Research usually goes, first, to address big market issues. Say, there is a lot of drug development for ED. Why? A concern for a lot of people. Big market. And here - there probably is some purely academic research only. Purely academic.

I did discuss this topic with my therapist today. She certainly didn't think it was something that couldn't be changed. And she was concerned, too.

I do know people who have homosexual tendencies, yet have been able to be happily married to someone of the opposite sex. They do so for many reasons.

Still, they mainly only have to worry about AIDS. (Not that it should be taken lightly.) Folks with the lifestyle the young lady is leading are really hurting themselves, and it does not sound healthy at all.

We could argue from now to the end of the world. I was just expressing my concerns. I have had my say, so I will move on, and hope for the best for this dear 19-year-old young lady.

My wife has some of those types of fantasies. Bondage and rape, not so much pain and blood. For her it is a complete trust in your partner to the point you completely submit and are dominted. It ia very risky sexual behaivor and you should take precautions so you don't get hurt. It may be wise to talk to a psycologist before you engage in this kind of activity. It could be very damaging to your mental health. Expecially if you meet the wrong person who is very sadistic. You may end up with serious physical and mental harm from the wrong kind of experience.

I wasn't alway super into it and she would push me for more but I was always affraid of hurting her. Truth be told I was always wanting to be the submissive one, but as a husband it is hard to ask for that.

I would be very careful pursing this fantasy. You're 19 now, and you may not want this lifestyle forever. If you get a lot of scars or bad experiences it may be very difficult to goback to a "normal" life. That's just my thoughts.

Breana, since it is so dangerous, you probably need to speak to a sex health professional - see http://www.aasect.org/. I think we would all agree that that would be money well spent. If you do not have money, still call around, explain the situation and maybe they can redirect you to sliding scale resources.

and are they happy for it? I really doubt it.

I wonder how would all the vanilla heterosexuals feel if they have been told they chamge into kinky bisexuals, because that is the trend of today.

a czech movie was made about BDSM... and one women working on ministry of environment was in it. Some succesful IT guy. Beware of the sweet looking decent people you deal it. They may do various things in the bedrooms. YOu never know.

There are safe ways to go about it.

That is just brilliant, about requiring vanilla people to change into whatever the trend du jour is.

Besides the issue of their own happiness, whcih is totally valid, there is the issue of their spouses' happiness. Who would want to be married to a person who is suppressing their true orientation? I have never been with bisexual people but sure I can picture myself married to a truly bisexual man who also has male partners so as to satisfy both parts of his orientataion. Of course I would have no problem with that. But that stretches the conventional definition of marriage a bit. To stay in a conventional marriage with a man who suppresses his homosexual leanings must be depressing. And what for? There is no deficit of straight men, who are in the majority.

There was an interesting blog about sexual "norms" last week on DrGlennDoyle.com (his blog entitled Becoming Superman). You may be interested in reading that... he is a trauma therapist I worked with briefly while in an inpatient trauma program... kind of a different take on most things, but it tends to ring true with me.

I had discussion about this with my mom, who believe marriage is among other things conventional must. ONe should be married lest not hinder their career... and so on. So after she told me to "just be moral", I had to question how moral would it be of me to marry somebody to whom I felt absolutelly nothing... just for sake of following society's conventions...

I did not know that being married is a career requirement for career advancement in the general public. I thought only politicians need that.

A propos politicians. The former mayor of San Francisco, a young and very handsome guy who made history by holding wedding ceremonies for gays and lesbians, which was later struck down as unconstitutional but still spurred progressive legislation in other states, at some point had an affair with the wife of his staffer. It became known and his PR department, pursuing their damage control goals, issued an apology adding that he would seek treatment for alcohol addiction.

The apology was to the general public. That included me.

Why did he owe me an apology for something that was happening in his private life. As far as I am concerned, he can have consensual sex with whomever he wants, married, single, divorced or whatever.

He did not owe me reports on his activities in his private life. His affair was not newsworthy. I should not have learned about the affair unless he and the woman involved released a joint statement disclosing it which they never did. The media should have only reported on his activities and accomplishments in his capacity as a mayor. Alcohol issues were also irrelevant.

So politicians have to conform.

Do private citizens have to conform as well in the Chezh republic?

All of your thoughts were very interesting to read i will consider them all. its a dangerous road to go down, but the urge will never go away.

Good to see you again on here, Breana.

Michael Hutchence, David Carradine among many who have died with auto-erotic asphyxiation. Having a partner choke you is probably safer, but make sure they know what they're doing.

I wonder how the autopsy allows to tell auto-erotic asphyxiation from suicide by hanging oneself.

Hmmm, and by the way its been a few months since that origonal post and would like to share that finding a partner that i have been with for 7 months now the urge has died out and i focus now on loving each other instead of being hurt. I found someone i can Make Love to instead of wanting to get hurt. Ive found out that my urges are because my goal at the time was my inevitable end, and that those practices would fill a void needing to hert myself. Now i am finding safer and better ways to practice letting off steam and enjoying life. Finding my life partner has done wonders. thankyou for your comments. However the urge is always there but different now. dont know how to explain but soul searching the past months delving into things within myself has helped me to realize some things about me.

I think one of Carradine's ex's stepped forward about the whole thing, though my memory of the event is fuzzy. But practically speaking, I would imagine the crime scene investigation would reveal more than the autopsy...lubricant would likely be nearby, there'd (hopefully) be a means to...erm, clean up...things like that. He probably also had some means of stepping down nearby which, tragically, failed. The devil in the details, I suppose, is the point that tips the scale from one to the other.