I told my suicidal friend about the self harm, because of the guilt I felt at being such a hypocrite. She is understandably furious. Since then, I've discovered she's tried it herself. My fault. So the best thing to do about it would be to completely cut contact (she lives in Austria so its possible) but I'm too selfish and don't think I could manage it. How could I have been so stupid? I'm a total screwup.

I'm expected to be perfect by everyone, simply because its possible for me. I'm not a very good person, so being perfect at anything else helps to redeem me.