Thanks guys. It was 'ok'. Just 'ok. The first thing that struck me when she appeared to get me was how young, slim and pretty she looked. That made me feel uncomfortable. I know it's impossible to tell but she looked as if she'd never stood in the shoes of any troubled, suffering person and somehow wouldn't 'get it'.

She told me how CBT worked (this is what she offers) and the free workshops I could attend (I wouldn't be seeing her for a set session every week). She seemed a bit wishy washy but that could be because I'd already decided I didn't want to go for CBT and maybe wasn't really listening to her

It all seemed a bit of a pointless exercise really which I later brought up with the GP I saw this morning. She agreed, she heard me on all that I talked about, validated me and spent 45 minutes working on a medication plan with me. I'm going to come off my Paroxetine and start taking Venlafaxine which is an SNRI. I feel like I finally know what I'm doing, rather than drifting along hopelessly out of control.

I also believe that for me CBT would only serve to 'veneer' over the cracks of the last 38 years and only cause me to shut all the crap off all the more effectively.

Back to my regular T on Thursday. I think that after 2 years of not trusting T I finally feel I can let her in more and appreciate how she's working with me. And although it feels like slow progress actually it 'feels' right at last. So silver linings and all that, seeing CBT woman this morning may have helped to clarify some stuff for me.