Hi..

I just wanted to share that I talked with T for half an hour today and it helped, a LOT. I don't feel comfortable going into a ton of detail, but he really said exactly what I needed to hear him say. And he sounded so sad and even though it sounds awful, that kind of made me feel better. I think he really gets it now, and we can't go back and fix it, but somehow, it feels easier to move forward knowing that he gets it and he feels bad. I cried a ton, of course, and he was just good, normal T and he helped me.

He asked me to send him the next thing I get published and I asked if I could send other things sometimes too, and he said yes, for sure.

So. I'm still sad, but it's a better kind of sad. Less desperate. It feels like a step in the right direction.

I told him that all of his stuff was under my desk. He said whenever I doubted his feelings for me to run upstairs and read the note he wrote for me on the back of the white board he gave me. He said that it's still true, and that it WILL BE true. I asked if he promised, and he did.

It's probably the best outcome I could get in this crappy situation. NOW I feel like there's some real closure on the therapy, and a little bit of hope for connection here and there moving forward. Not therapy connection, but just people connection.

I can breathe a little again.

I still may look for another therapist - I sent the one I was thinking of to T, and T said he "liked his credentials" and that he is someone he doesn't know personally. Until then, I don't know if I can come here and read about therapy - i'm afraid it will bring back the hurt. But you never know. I'm just taking it day by day.