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Originally Posted by taylor43
Raibow, i doubt your h know about the whole t process. Who is he to think therapy is not heping you at all!! I feel your husband has no right to b angry at you for going to therapy. It is your choice,and also you are the only one to know if therapy is working for you! Hun keep the 90mins it sounds like you really need the time and who cares what your h thinks he seems to never be happy with what you do. If therapy is something you need for the rest of your life, that i very ok, theres nothing wrong with going. Also i see you growing so much in therapy and i hope you do go for a second around of dbt group. Do not let your husband stop you from going to therapy. Maybe he comes from the old school of thought "Pick up your socks,and suck it up" So sorry to hear your husband is unsupportive, must be very painful for you! If my husband said that to me i would be in a deep depression! (((((((Hugs))))))))))))
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Thanks, Taylor. It's hard for me to judge whether I'm growing in T or not, so I appreciate that feedback. Yes, it hurts that my H is unsupportive but at the same time I understand because the bottom line is that he is jealous. He never understood that my need for my T comes from "baby stuff", from the past. I do think T is helping me but it's like the zoloft. The side effects (transference/attachment) get in the way so I don't know which is better: be on the med and therapy, or be off!
Quote:
Originally Posted by BlessedRhiannon
Rainbow - I really want to reply to your post, but everything I've typed so far comes across as being very critical of your H. I'm bothered by the fact that he's trying to make decisions for you about your own mental health. It bothers me that you say your H "let you be in T" as if you need his permission to do something that is beneficial to your health.
I guess, I'm of the opinion that if going to T is something you feel like you need to do, then you shouldn't let anyone stop you or discourage you. If it's a money issue, then talk to T about ways to work around that.
I hope you can resolve this to your satisfaction, and that you can keep going to T and getting the help you need.
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Thank you. It's not that I needed my H's permission, but it costs a lot of money for all of those years, and he hasn't seen results. I have, but it's subtle and he doesn't understand or want to understand. I needed to work on shame issues, and I feel better now. He just sees that I am still attached to my T, just like I was to 4 other Ts in the past.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Littlemeinside
Rainbow8: He and I both agree that it's "our money" but he hasn't seen results from my years of T. He thinks, and part of me can't argue with him, that I keep going just because I like/love my T. He doesn't get it that it's my issue to deal with attachment problems and accepting limitations and what people can give me or not give me, in T and in RL.
Well I sort of get your husband. He is paying for not getting attention. I can understand the frustrations. = " I am paying, so my wife can obsess and move her focus to someone else". Itīs not about him, itīs completely about you and your T ...and you... on and on? He is not being mean... he is just having a human reaction. Who wouldnīt?.....He tells you he hates you being in therapy...do you listen to him?? You agree that it doesnīt help. So is he the " bad guy" really???
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I said PART of me can't argue with him. He came to T a few times and she suggested ways to improve our marriage. That helped a little. We hug now. It's not either or, but my H thinks it is. Therapy has helped me with issues that have nothing to do with my H. I'm slowly accepting that it's about ME, not my T. I slipped up a little because I was away, but we are working on issues just about me, and they are productive. But the trigger is there, especially when my H embarrasses me about it. I don't think he's the "bad guy", but he's still being mean to me.
I'm taking the zoloft so I can stop obsessing about my T but I don't know if I can get up to the correct dose because of the side effects. The pdoc KNOWS this is one of the reasons--obsessing about T and other things in my life. It's kind of a mixed up situation, I agree. You're correct, my H is correct, and I'm ALSO correct. It's not black or white. Not being able to quit T is an issue in itself, being able to connect/attach and be able to detach, to accept reality. So my H is being human, but he's not being helpful to me about T in any way.