Quote:
Originally Posted by manicdelight
I guess the reasons my therapists and boyfriend think this may be the case is because I've been diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder and I have issues with sexual dysfunction (as in I go through periods where I can't stand to be touched and periods where all I want is sex), as well as dissociation (especially during sex).
I guess I understand that no one will ever be able to tell me what happened to me. I just wish I could gain some clarity and stop letting this run my life. I don't know what makes me feel sicker: the fact that I may be accusing someone I love of sexually abusing me when they haven't or the thought that maybe someone did do these things to me.
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You're not alone, trust me. I know the feelings, and I like you have the same sort of symptoms. Except for me it's bipolar not borderline. For me I have no recorded trauma or any sense of where it might have come from. But I too took stalk of my symptoms and it seems like everything points that way.
My advice is to concentrate on the present. Deal with the symptoms as they come, and the memories as they come.
You put it perfectly in the bottom part of your first post, the feeling of dread thinking something happened but also not wanting anything to happen.
No one will be able to tell you for sure if it did or not, though it seems like it's a very real possibility. Don't force the memories and just try and take everything in stride. Trust me, it's not easy. YOU know the truth, even if you don't know you know it. So once you discover it for yourself, though hard, that is your only proof.
Stay strong.
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