I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. I reach out to people and I try to distract, but it doesn't last for long. I keep trying... I'm running out of energy. I have another appointment with my therapist tomorrow, but... I don't know how much it helps. I feel like my head is fast falling underwater... I try to come here and be supportive, but I find myself unable to have much to say. I wish I could heal all the pain here... I wish I had something to say, but I am lost in myself. I can't seem to come out of my own head for very long.

I was hoping that my full day of volunteering yesterday would have been able to change my mood. I only had a few breakthrough thoughts while there, but they flooded back as soon as we started walking back to the car. It doesn't ever seem to go away for long. Things like that have helped pull me out of my depression before and put me into a better place, but not this time...

I just want to shatter myself to match the insides...