it just doesn't let up...

I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. I reach out to people and I try to distract, but it doesn't last for long. I keep trying... I'm running out of energy. I have another appointment with my therapist tomorrow, but... I don't know how much it helps. I feel like my head is fast falling underwater... I try to come here and be supportive, but I find myself unable to have much to say. I wish I could heal all the pain here... I wish I had something to say, but I am lost in myself. I can't seem to come out of my own head for very long.

I was hoping that my full day of volunteering yesterday would have been able to change my mood. I only had a few breakthrough thoughts while there, but they flooded back as soon as we started walking back to the car. It doesn't ever seem to go away for long. Things like that have helped pull me out of my depression before and put me into a better place, but not this time...

I just want to shatter myself to match the insides...

Hi MdngtRain,

Sorry you feel so down and I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better. Does it help to know that many people have suffered depression and have been where you are and have gone on to recover, becoming productive and happy in their own lives again? I understand thoughts like that might make you feel crappier because of the place you're in right now. All I can say is hang in there. If you're able, try to think some happier thoughts mixed in with how you're feeling now. I read that people who replace their sad thoughts with happy thoughts recover from depression quicker than people who dont might. Again, because of how you feel right now that might be hard to do.

You're helping me put into perspective something that Ive been thinking about. So many times with depression we need to have hindsight and to have hindsight, we have to go thru some awful stuff. But I can see now how recovering from depression has been in a cycle of phases for me. First I felt bad, not knowing why. Then I felt some good times, but they didnt last. Finally, the good times came more frequently than the bad and thats about where I am now, feeling good most of the time with occasional depression. Its taken about 35 years to get here. It makes me feel that eventually, I can pull thru it completely and Im still young enough that its possible I will still have a happy ending. Not making it sound easy cause it isnt.

I feel it wouldnt be completely wrong to believe that what you feel right now is temporary and you may experience ups and downs as you go. Hopefully the ups become more frequent and the downs less so over time. I know that doesnt help much right now but if you can, try to feel a little hopeful. Sending good thoughts to you.

You are an inspiring person with so much to share. I admire you for volunteering. I read your post thinking and wondering if you are a writer of poetry or perhaps a novel, in the works.I find that when I write things down it's easier to express myself, I have never been very talkative
and being on this site is encouraging, so many caring people. keep posting
warm thoughts

Stilll struggling through. My ptsd kicked it up a few notches tonight and i was very triggeeed. My heart is racing again. I had taken an anxiety med to help calm me, but it only worked for about 15 minutes, my chest is tight again and my heart is racing again... I hope the t appointment tomorrow helps.

Sending hugs and caring MdngtRain