Why bother with the past? I know sometimes it jumps up and bites us, but it's over and done with. We have to learn to put it to rest and bury it. Sometimes that takes help -- therapy.
Have you thought about going into therapy? It sounds like you could use it. I've been thru therapy cause I didn't know how to deal with my past -- which included emotional abuse, neglect and lots of 'nice' things.

So I opted for therapy, and it was the best gift I could have given myself. I've learned how to put my past away and forget it. I don't have to deal with it anymore.
Sound good? You can do that too with some help. Ask your doc for a referral to a good therapist. You won't regret it. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee