Welcome to PC ! I'm sure you'll find lots of friendship and support here.

What you're describing is tough. I feel very bad for you. 36 years is a long time to be with someone. Is this a new thing with him or has he been like this for 36 years?

Of course you are right that a marriage is supposed to be open and honest. And he clearly does not want to reveal what he's buying. That could be because it's something he considers shameful, or it could just be a power play (since you're asking, he's not telling). Without seeing the statement, you won't know.

Splitting up is certainly one way of dealing with this situation. But, is it in your self-interest? Only you can answer that, but here are some questions that I'd be thinking about:

- Is he secretive about other things? Do you know about other aspects of your finances, such as how much money you have saved, how much life insurance you have, etc? If so, is that trait acceptable to you? More importantly, do you know if you have sufficient assets to live by yourself? This is tax season, so pay attention to the forms you're signing. You might learn a lot.

- Is he paying the credit card bills in full each month or is he acruing debt? You can call the credit card company if you can find the account number on his credit card. Unfortunately, this requires you to be sneaky, and you might not want to do that.

- Is the marriage solid in other areas, or is this just one more issue piled on top of a bunch of issues?

- Have you been to marriage therapy? If he won't go, you can still go for individual therapy to help you deal with your anger at him (which seems totally justified to me!) and set/keep boundaries with him.

I'm sure you'll get great advice and affirmation here. I wish you well!