Such good advice here! I agree it's usually about winning and losing, and power plays. I'd like to add a few things I've learned lately. I have read books about this, gone to workshops, etc, because it's been a major issue for me. There are tons of books out there (I have most of them!), but the book that helped me most was Verbal Defense in the Workplace- it's an older book, but so eye opening.

1. Sometimes we emit attitude that we don't realize, and that rubs people the wrong way. I am really trying to be transparent/genuine with my words, and avoid "tone" with my voice. It's hard!

2. I am learning to respond to rude people without anger, or any emotion at all, really. It keeps my head clear, making it easier to form a useful, honest response. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt instead of thinking the worst of them. I just say, without emotion, what i think is happening, i.e., "Oh, it seems like you are trying to [tell me this], is that what you meant to say?" I've found it also really helps to avoid miscommunication when it seems like someone has misunderstood my intent in saying something to them- it's so easy to get the wrong idea in this fast-paced world.

3. Sometimes the people that bother us most are mirrors of ourselves, or parts of ourselves we dislike.

4. Who do we have a better chance of changing- them or us? All the books mention looking at yourself & your own behavior, not to say it's your fault, just to see things a little differently.

Hope this helps. It's so worth trying to improve the situation, for stress relief, self-esteem & your own inner peace.