Sounds like you're having a really tough time today. I went back a skimmed your past posts and am not clear as to whether you have gotten medical help or not. That is critical.
Try to keep you mind busy while you wait for a respite from this mood. I'm under the impression that sometimes you do feel better--right or wrong?--. Listen to some beautiful music, play simple games like mahjong solitaire , hidden object games or jigsaw puzzles. Watch sitcoms on the TV. I call this baby-sitting my mind. I do it to just get a break from all the thinking. It really helped me when I was out of control. When I got a little distance I could slow my thoughts just enough to make them bearable and to see them for what they are--just thoughts.
Haven't got any relationship advice--I'm clueless on this subject.
Anyway---I hope you feel better soon.