Hi everyone,

I am new to this forum and looking for some advice on a work-related situation. I will try to make this as concise as possible, but I could really use the feedback if you have a moment to read through it.

A little background on my 'mental health' (this is PsychCentral after all). I'm currently on no meds but was for several years for depression and anxiety.

Without going into too much detail, I work as an admin for an SVP level executive in a mid-sized corporation. It is just me and him in a shared office building - the rest of the company is based in a different state. Therefore, I do not really have co-workers. I began as a temp, filling in for his admin who was "on medical leave" (I believe there was more to this, but that's a different story). Long story short, she never came back, so I was offered a full time, permanent position.

I had many "gut feelings" that I did not like this job from the beginning. There were certain "red flags" (at least in my mind) that my boss gave off - such as asking me if I was the type of person to talk badly about their boss during my interview, once I was hired - forbidding me to speak with his previous admin, cautioning me against mentioning anything to/talking with other employees casually, etc.

He gave me plenty of opportunity to get out of this job before I was hired. I made the mistake of chocking up my apprehension, nervousness, and general unhappiness to the point that my career went from 0 to 60 so rapidly (I previously had no experience supporting an exec). Not to mention, I have a crushing amount of debt, and the position offered more money that I have ever made. Therefore, I took the position and verbally agreed to stay through the end of 2014.

It has now been 8 months, and I am gut-wrenchingly miserable. I have been generally unhappy since day 1, but thought it would go away as I gained more experience and became more comfortable in the role. While I have indeed grown professionally and learned a tremendous amount, the feeling of despair, dread, and hopelessness has not gone away. It is affecting my physical and emotional health to the point I am getting sick way more often, crying on a daily basis, having dreams about work constantly, and basically hating life.

Why am I so unhappy, you ask? It really is my boss. I flat out don't like him or his personality. He has asked me before if I liked him, but what am I going to do, say no? I feel our personalities clash and we have trouble communicating. He says I need to improve my communication skills, but I believe I communicate so ineffectively with him and others in the workplace (according to him, not me) because I am paralyzed by fear.

I feel he makes comments that are somewhat condescending in tone such as "let me help you understand this more logically" "time out, let me explain this to you in a way you can understand". He criticizes my every word (god forbid I say something 'seems' or 'I believe so' - I get a lecture about this constantly). He gets on me for interrupting him, but does not give me the same respect. During a heated discussion today, he was drumming his hands loudly on the table while I was speaking.

This week has been exceptionally difficult - he's brought up the fact that we've had multiple discussions regarding my communication, listening, etc. We had a borderline argument today and he discussed my body language and how it was so telling of the fact I was uncomfortable and upset. I desperately wanted to breakdown and express my extreme unhappiness, but I just don't know how to bring it up.

I could go on forever but the issue is this: I wan't to leave. The problem is:

1. I agreed to stay, and I'm so intimately involved with his work role that it's not something I can walk away from so easily. He put immense trust into me that I would stay and continues to lecture me on how his constructive criticism is only to help me grow. This makes me feel like I just have a problem taking criticism, and that I need to grow a thicker skin and just deal.

2. I'm in my mid-twenties, and haven't had a job for more than a year and a half. Most of this was related to circumstances beyond my control (moving, school - I graduated college later than my peers, etc.), but it still doesn't look good on a resume.

3. I am worried I'll be just as miserable in my next job.

4. I'm absolutely horrified to have this discussion with him - any sign of conflict in a discussion with him and I start to panic and exhibit symptoms of anxiety (shaking, sweating, trouble breathing/swallowing). I've even cried in front him before. I'm sure he'll yell and get angry and I know I'll be a nervous wreck.

5. I feel that, even though I disagree with his method of delivery, he really does have my best interest at heart when he offers criticisms. That being said, he's put a lot of effort into helping me grow and I feel bad walking away from that.

I feel like this is a unique situation and I could really use some help. My poor family listens to me rant about this constantly, and I would like some other opinions (they think I should leave).

Help!!

Thanks....