Only thing that could allow you to feel in some level of control....that is so very understandable.....but now you don't have that same need for the same purpose in your life.....that is in the past even though the mind may not feel like it.

When we feel other things out of control in our life the same way....it also triggers that same need to feel in control & we tend to revert back to our same behavioral patterns even though now we should have better skills to handle the situations we find outselves in now. ......it's never easy to get over those past traumas