Ugh. I am sorry you are feeling wrecked. This may be a lame/useless suggestion, but is there a way you can put down the old stuff from years ago and grab a fresh new page. On the new page write down 3 things you respect about yourself and your life now? If it is too hard to think of things that YOU like/respect about yourself...think of what a friend would say or a family member. I can tell you, from the short time I have known you here on PC, that you seem like a deep thinker and a truly kind person. What a wicked-awesome combo! Anyhow...if that doesn't help...here is a hug (((hugsss)))