That might as well have been me writing a lot of that...I have such similar experiences! Often times (what I know now to be parts) they have interfered with my progress in therapy (25 years of therapy actually). When t starts talking, I can't even hear her anymore, sometimes I start getting something like a visual fog and a tunnel kind of thing as well. I constantly fight to stay present, and I had often lost that battle (but, I'm better able to concentrate when she is speaking to parts directly, I just can't always tell who is really in the drivers seat, and I'm really not even truly aware if all parts are listening.
The part about illogic is helpful too, especially where I have always been so logical and shoved my emotions down, this is something I agree I need to let go of, because it could drive me bonkers trying to make it all fit in perfect files. My first session in the table technique, I thought I was going to pass out from exhaustion! I hope with all hope that this all means progress because I, like everyone else have so much on the line (really, more so for me now than ever). I'm hopeful for us all!!!! I also see that your status says "hurting", and I do hope for you to have some relief!
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Originally Posted by jax01
if you read around some (not everyone has the kind of time I have for scouring the net for DID info), you'll see that headache of varying intensities (a your mileage may vary- thing) go with switching.
it's pretty common. everybody's different, every system is different. and the possibility it's unrelated to DID shouldn't be forgotten.
For myself, sometimes having more than one part active at the same time, like at a therapy appointment, will leave me feeling semi disembodied and like my head has been pushed all out of shape from the inside. frequently I get an "eyeball" headache, too.
you know, when the ache is behind one of your eyes?
oh, and I'll be exhausted as well.
I've read a few good ideas about why it can be so tiring. like- it's because running multiple identities at the same time uses way more energy than just one. is it true? IDK. but it's kinda funny.
I have had to fight to stay "on top" during a few intense therapy appointments. I have really weird experiences and sensations at times like that. like feeling as though I am upside down suddenly, or like the room is slowly spinning or rolling over, like I am shrinking, and changes in perception. Like things being closer, or father away than they should be. it's pretty weird.
The thing is that it's a completely subjective experience. and there's no way to really share how it really feels other than words.
I still have parts that will not communicate with me. I have some that will do what ever they can to knock therapy off track. I have intense issues with shame over parts being seen, and because I have DID in the first place.
Which I know is not logical.
You sort of have to put aside any thoughts of any of this being logical and predictable and take it as it comes.
I was pretty focused when I started this, but it's gone a bit awry. if any of this is helpful, great. if not? sorry 'bout that
jax
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